My model of you will differ from your model of yourself Your best friend’s model of you will differ from your worst enemy’s Your mom’s model of you will differ from your dad’s
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These models are informed by our fragmentary experiences with other people—and more importantly, our models are shaded by how we *perceive* those fragmentary experiences
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A common failure mode occurs when we subconsciously interpret people uncharitably, for example: - How they dress - Who they’re friends with - That story they told about something that happened at work - The micro-expression they made when you made that comment about their job
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Uncharitable judgments are a ‘quick and dirty’ way to create an in-group and generate status Executed correctly, communicating negative judgment is socially rewarded in larger group scenarioshttps://twitter.com/choosy_mom/status/1224489248696365056 …
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Over time, this social feedback loop primes us to lean towards uncharitable interpretations Innocent jostling calcifies into general cynicism, and you end up in a society full of distrustful people with a weak/nonexistent sense of out-group empathy
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One solution is to widen your in-group umbrella to encompass as many people as possible This can be fruitful, but it also demands a lot of updating and definition-setting More importantly, it still requires you to establish an out-group
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A better solution is to hack your charitable vs. uncharitable interpretive tendencies It’s difficult (maybe impossible) to turn off your negative-judgmental brain, but you can make a conscious effort to assume best intentions and love your out-grouphttps://twitter.com/visakanv/status/1223254341173121024 …
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If you perform this good faith character long enough, you become an *actually* generous and thoughtful perceiver of other peoplehttps://twitter.com/choosy_mom/status/1221682547756691458 …
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This strategy pays dividends for rationalists, social climbers, AND empaths: 1. More realistic models of other people (we all interpret ourselves charitably) 2. Durable social status (not contingent on scorning an out-group) 3. Happy relationships (people like you—good vibes!)
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