Chelsea HandlerVerified account

@chelseahandler

Tickets on sale for my Vaccinated And Horny stand-up tour | Dear Chelsea Podcast out now | Stream my stand-up special “Evolution” on 🍊

Los Angeles, CA
Joined February 2009

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  1. Undo
  2. Sep 8

    I love men who have never been pregnant telling women how long it takes to find out you’re pregnant. “And then when you have baby, good luck getting healthcare or protecting the baby from guns.”

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  3. Sep 7

    To all flight attendants. I’m sorry.

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  4. Sep 4

    I remain steadfast in my decision. To all the parents out there—make yourself a cocktail or pop an edible. You’re doing the Lord’s work, and I’m doing mushrooms with my landscaper.

    Undo
  5. Sep 3
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  6. Sep 2
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  7. Sep 1

    Texas won’t stop a virus from reproducing but they will sue a woman who doesn’t want to— nice work, men.

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  8. Sep 1

    Texas will force you to become a mother, unless your fetus is pro Critical Race Theory.

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  9. Yes, children will become “spoiled” by this basic human need. Welcome to America.

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  11. People have been having babies since the dawn of time, and apparently now, I’m an OBGYN. New episode of Dear Chelsea out now.

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  12. Wait until you ask the rest of the country.

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  13. Put the vaccine in it and we’ll be good to go by Thanksgiving.

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  14. Jim Crow laws institutionalized discrimination and locked millions of Black Americans out of the ballot box. On August 28, we'll gather to say: We won’t go back to Jim Crow America! Join the !

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  15. “Ginger Gaetz” will have a nice ring to it when being called up to a witness stand.

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  16. Arming teachers with the tools to stop a shooter and showing flight attendants how to knock someone out— definitely why people got into those respective career fields.

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  17. Santa Barbara we did it. I reopened the bowl after its last show in 2019. We’re on tour, everybody. Even coming to Florida! Check your cities! I can’t wait to see more of you soon.

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  18. Flight attendants are taking self-defense and karate classes to protect themselves from passengers who refuse to wear masks. I hope you guys are proud of yourself for assaulting a flight attendant and refusing to wear masks. And you want people to take you seriously?

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  19. Come see me in Houston on 12/10 at 713 Music Hall!

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  20. Undo

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