okay i need to talk for a minute about how much this hurts to think about. [thread cn: suicide]https://twitter.com/marrowing/status/811694963507367936 …
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yet, i have managed to claw my way to a place where i'm not 100% the asshole who always needs help, but someone others can lean on a little.
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the *only* reason this is the case, the *only* reason i am worth a damn, is because one family member believed in me.
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not just cared about me, but consistently acted like i was amazing and could probably accomplish any damn thing at all if i worked hard.
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i think about this, and i think about what would have happened if instead that person had thought of me like this woman thinks of her son.
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[cn: suicide] friends, i would be dead of a brutally effective, first-try, no-fucking-around suicide at the age of 13.
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i would have had no hope, nothing to hold onto, no reason to even suspect that staying alive potentially had long-term value.
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i had lots of things going on, ngl, but i can't shake this feeling that one way or another this kid is a dead man walking.
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i think of how the way his mother relates to him will be communicated in a thousand tiny, deniable ways and i want to never stop screaming.
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just, holy shit, if you're going to have kids for the love of fuck get out of your head enough to relate to them as actual living people.
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not as manifestations of vast, threatening social and biological forces. please. i'm fucking begging you.
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i'm going to lose my shit if i try to break this followup conversation down into tweets so here, have it uneditedpic.twitter.com/RpMfOIXHbl
End of conversation
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