I'm thinking about Valentine's Day and how it's regarded as a Thing for Women and that men are supposed to hate it and I don't understand it
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Replying to @hiygay
I'm especially thinking in relationship to that whole Steak & BJ Day thing (which always felt gross to me anyways).
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Replying to @hiygay
It's these weird reciprocity of expectations in relationships which fundamentally seem unhealthy bc it presents intimacy as negotiations.
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Replying to @hiygay
@DeerOccultism i fully believe in intimacy as negotiations & relationships as exchange; "Steak & BJ Day" is just cosmically Doing It Wrong
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Replying to @chaosprime
I like the idea of split holidays, esp how Japan has Valentine's and White Day, but the language to SBJ is rly awful yea
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Replying to @hiygay
@chaosprime and I don't rly like the idea of services rendered as being a desirable description of one's relationship with others.1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes -
Replying to @hiygay
@DeerOccultism intimacy doesn't benefit from importing the conventions of impersonal commerce into it or anything, sure.
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Replying to @chaosprime
@DeerOccultism the point, to me, is voluntarism and respect for agency in relationships, which requires recognizing that people are there…
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Replying to @chaosprime
@DeerOccultism …because of the benefit to them, not the benefit to you (recognizing that providing benefit to you may be a benefit to them).
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@DeerOccultism so if one wants to continue interacting with them, it behooves one to try to ensure that the benefits they get continue to…
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Replying to @chaosprime
@DeerOccultism …outweigh the costs, rather than viewing the relationship as an entitlement as the "being loved for oneself" meme encourages.
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