*fuck* those people. the part of you that grew into your partner is also where your model of them, which is to say the part of them that lives in you, is sited. you feel like that’s all of them you have left *because it is*. your intuition about your situation is 100% correct.
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so you hold onto that pain as long as you damn well please. now, there are probably ways to rework that part of you to not be raw and to give what’s left of your loved one a comfy place to live in your head
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i can’t tell you how to do that any more than i can learn something *for* you, but maybe you can work it out. but this is very different from “letting go” because people want to coercively minimize your suffering. don’t ever feel you need to knuckle under to that.
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if you’d like to read a gorgeous treatment of this through a blessedly distancing science fiction metaphor, pick up Iain M. Banks’s Against a Dark Background. also has lots of things blowing up
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hey guys i found this cool chart of things that are more important than minimizing sufferingpic.twitter.com/sTOniBXuAk
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Replying to @chaosprime
Isn't that just a chart of kinds of suffering to eliminate?
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Replying to @chaosprime
You can only actualize if you've already eliminated all the suffering caused by the lack of things below. Suffocation, starvation... 'my partner died' is part of tier 3.
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Replying to @terrycloth11
right, except if the priority were eliminating suffering then you should just never partner up because then you'll never suffer their loss the most effective and reliable way to minimize suffering is to eliminate sentient life, which is how we get antinatalism
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Replying to @chaosprime @terrycloth11
That’s why it’s not about minimising suffering it’s about maximising net wellbeing, none of this applies to that
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Chaos Retweeted Chaos
ah yes, also an excellent priorityhttps://twitter.com/chaosprime/status/1164300073125195776 …
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Replying to @MDYMKA @terrycloth11
Chaos Retweeted Chaos
Chaos added,
Chaos @chaosprimeReplying to @chaosprime @palecur and 2 othersit regards survival & sustainability as at best secondary goals that you address so you can pursue a goal you can actually succeed at in this universe, and regards one car sent into interplanetary space as more interesting & therefore better than ten million years of homeostasis1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes - 1 more reply
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