sleepily looking for a butter knife to cut up a banana for cereal, i thought “didn’t i... earlier?” where the fully subvocalized thought would’ve been “didn’t i [leave a knife there] earlier [days ago]?” and i could dimly perceive the actual cognition underlying the verbalization
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fwiw i attribute my not going further into schizophrenia to what i think of as my reflex to ask "is this thought maybe a little self-serving?", what Scott Alexander calls the "revolutionary" here: https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/ZiQqsgGX6a42Sfpii/the-apologist-and-the-revolutionary … and Freud would have called part of the reality principle
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this also being what fucks up my life by rendering me incapable of diving into a cozy ingroup world-story and earning an endless stream of brownie points by rah-rahing it, so, y'know, caveat cogitator
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End of conversation
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I spent most of my teenage years convinced I was going to break before 30. Now I just enjoy my well-heeled, charming, fun little schizoid traits.
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"I'll never turn schizophrenic because the tiny little man who sits in my head and yells at me when I do something wrong won't *let* me..."
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