imagine living in a society where your feelings were your own responsibility, not a passive-aggressive stake-claim on another person's life
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1) no 2) no 3) no
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is #1 "no" because what Alice is doing doesn't fit the word "control" but is better characterized as some other category of attempted behavior alteration like "influence"?
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None of these options seem stable — Alice and bob need to discuss whether or why X is happening.
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How important is X to bob? Is X important enough that he doesn’t really care about Alice’s feeling hurt or things are unpleasant for her? If so then just be straight with Alice. If Alice retaliates that implies something about Alice o__o
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that just sounds like people want to be unfeeling but don’t want the burden of being labeled as unfeeling