idk, maybe sometimes that's an error and the optimal behavior is to invoke a countervailing sacrality so the infinite values can cancel out and the horse trading can get started. probably @vgr has a good article about this
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in my case, what i'm mad about is that a conversation like "what you're doing is costing me X, while giving it up would cost you Y, how can we find a good equilibrium" couldn't happen because it started with "what i want has the word 'fair' on it so you have to do what i want"
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if one were to generalize anything from that to the misgendering and slur examples, i guess the question for those people would be "what is the benefit that you are getting from doing these things that makes it worth the costs you're imposing on others, to you"
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If someone takes "you're doing thing X, it hurts people in this way, can you maybe consider not doing that" as an attack in every case (as in, without specific evidence of disingenuity or flaws in the statement's logic) then I feel safe assuming they're trash.
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It's hard not to see such people as caring more about scoring points in their interactions than not harming people, and I don't really want to spend too much time interacting with people who are constantly imposing an adversarial frame.
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I agree, except for "nothing more". I see no problem with pursuing my interests. If calling it "morality" or "eusocial" helps, then that will be in consideration. I once thought otherwise. Then I noticed no one else would stand for me if I didn't myself.https://twitter.com/rezzealaux/status/1099086532462313477 …
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- bUt YoU'rE wRoNg - This and the above highlights that some things aren't actually achievable through negotiation. Some desirable things are only externally possible if parties internally bear the costs, i.e. "for free". This doesn't mean impossible. Just not by negotiation.
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"Hey could you not do that? It's really not eusocial behavior." "You just want me to do things for you for free!" See: Indians shitting on streets, Americans with barking dogs and landscaping power tools, etc.
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