one kind of person who fully understands that minimizing suffering is not something that should properly be made into a goal is people who have lost a deeply loved partner
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they’re criticized for holding onto this pain. they say they feel like the pain is all of their loved one that they have left, and people tell them no, you have to let go, you have to move on
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*fuck* those people. the part of you that grew into your partner is also where your model of them, which is to say the part of them that lives in you, is sited. you feel like that’s all of them you have left *because it is*. your intuition about your situation is 100% correct.
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so you hold onto that pain as long as you damn well please. now, there are probably ways to rework that part of you to not be raw and to give what’s left of your loved one a comfy place to live in your head
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i can’t tell you how to do that any more than i can learn something *for* you, but maybe you can work it out. but this is very different from “letting go” because people want to coercively minimize your suffering. don’t ever feel you need to knuckle under to that.
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if you’d like to read a gorgeous treatment of this through a blessedly distancing science fiction metaphor, pick up Iain M. Banks’s Against a Dark Background. also has lots of things blowing up
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hey guys i found this cool chart of things that are more important than minimizing sufferingpic.twitter.com/sTOniBXuAk
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psychological parallel of phantom limb but with the now-missing recipient of your love crying rn
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yeah exactly *hugs*
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Just left my partner at the departure gates to go back home to the other side of the world. Ow, thank you.
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