how to make money as a biologist: 1) get a list of bacteria that occur in feces. you will be referring to these as "fecal bacteria". 2) take a sample from a surface inside a restaurant, or other facility intimately involved with the human body, owned by a major corporation.
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and if you want more money, you can sell a “health product” that users can incorporate into their daily cleansing rituals to purify their filthy environment. then the trick is to label it with the right set of magical sounding words that the FDA hasn’t explicitly blacklisted yet
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