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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    17. ruj 2019.

    her: my fantasy is eating whipped cream off each other, what’s yours JRR Tolkien: *big breath in*

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    16. svi 2018.

    ME: Can I buy you a drink? HER: I have a boyfriend. ME: {counting coins on the table} He can only get something small then.

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    doctor: we're putting you in a cast me: [a struggling actor] will I have any lines?

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    america: ayyy australia: g’dayy america: lmao new zealand: lmaori

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    I drink so much Aussie wine, I’ve grown a yellow tail.

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    Me: in the early 90s, I helped clear a yard in Australia of overgrown plants, to create space for a performance by an up and coming pop duo Her: Savage Garden? Me: more unkempt really

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 6 sati

    Me: I won a trip to Australia! Him: outback? Me: nah, online

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    prije 6 sati

    Natalie Imbruglia: doc, nothing’s fine, I’m torn Therapist: care to elaborate? Natalie: I’m all out of faith Therapist: tell me how you’re feeling Natalie: this is how I feel; I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor Therapist: yeah about that

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 7 sati

    Crocodile Dundee: you call that a knife? me: yes Dundee: what do you call this? me: a fork

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 20 sati

    me, the only one in spanish class who can’t roll his r’s:

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 7 sati

    mugger: act cool and you wont get hurt me: *two thumbs up* Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy mugger: you know what, here's your wallet back

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  12. america: ayyy australia: g’dayy america: lmao new zealand: lmaori

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    Friend: How was your Australia trip? Me: *disappointed I wasnt able to carry an adult kangaroo in a baby bjorn while they had a baby kangaroo in their pouch* It was fine I guess

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    Vegemite implies that vegemay.

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    Campfires are just acoustic toasters.

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 22 sata

    Nobody: Girls singing the American anthem at sporting events: 🎵 and the home of the braaaAAAaaaAAäääáãAAAA ɑɑɑɑɑɑ A AaaÅÃ ᴬᴬᴬᴬ aaaaaaaaa AAAAA AAAAAA aaaaââä ɑɑɑɑɑɑve 🎵

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 23 sata

    Crocodile Dundee: you call that a knife? me: yes what do you call it? Dundee: this is a sharpy stabaroo

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    me: how much for that pumpkin farmer: that’s my son

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    australian: didgeridoo me: no i was happy first time

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    an app that makes it sound like you slammed your landline down before ending your smartphone calls

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 23 sata

    Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: *peeking out of kangaroo pouch* maybe

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