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carolynmichelle's profile
Carolyn Petit
Carolyn Petit
Carolyn Petit
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@carolynmichelle

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Carolyn PetitVerified account

@carolynmichelle

I'm just an animal looking for a home. @Kotaku.

Berkeley, CA
Joined April 2008

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    1. Carolyn Petit‏Verified account @carolynmichelle 17 Mar 2020

      Meditating on the idea of sending some loving kindness out into the world--and to individual, specific people--might seem silly to some people, but for me it's a useful thing to do at times. I feel like talking a bit about why right now, for whatever reason.

      1 reply 2 retweets 27 likes
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      Carolyn Petit‏Verified account @carolynmichelle 17 Mar 2020

      When I was very young, I was extremely empathetic. I felt the sorrow and pain, and the laughter and joy, of those around me intensely, on a visceral level. However, over the years, childhood trauma, gender dysphoria, and other things caused me to turn inward.

      2:46 PM - 17 Mar 2020
      • 1 Retweet
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      • Esme Noir margaux D. Squinkifer Celia Finter Denri Mike Padua dog knows Napoleon Carbonite Kayla #BlackLivesMatter 🏳️‍⚧🎮↙️↖️⏹↗️↘️
      1 reply 1 retweet 16 likes
        1. New conversation
        2. Carolyn Petit‏Verified account @carolynmichelle 17 Mar 2020

          I spent a lot of time--and still do spend a lot of time--being emotionally withdrawn from the world. I struggle with bitterness, jealousy, loneliness, deep fear and uncertainty about the future, anxiety about each day.

          1 reply 0 retweets 13 likes
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        3. Carolyn Petit‏Verified account @carolynmichelle 17 Mar 2020

          Actively cultivating and meditating on an attitude of loving kindness, both toward myself and especially toward others, is a way of getting past all that stuff that has accrued over the years, back to that true part of me, that empathetic, caring center that has always been there

          1 reply 0 retweets 14 likes
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        4. Carolyn Petit‏Verified account @carolynmichelle 17 Mar 2020

          I'm not "good" at the practice of it--it's not like I just wipe away all the years of fear and trauma and bitterness that have accrued--but it's still a good practice for me. It's a way of feeling more connected to the people and the world around me.

          1 reply 0 retweets 11 likes
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        5. Carolyn Petit‏Verified account @carolynmichelle 17 Mar 2020

          It's a way of looking past my own fear and anxiety about the moment we're in right now and feeling the collectiveness of the struggle. It's a way of remembering the person I really am. They never went away. They just got obscured by anguish and fear.

          1 reply 0 retweets 10 likes
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        6. Carolyn Petit‏Verified account @carolynmichelle 17 Mar 2020

          Other specific things I find useful at times are imagining myself as an adult comforting the withdrawn, terrified child I once was, letting them know that it's not their fault, that they deserve love, that they'll be okay.

          1 reply 0 retweets 9 likes
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        7. Carolyn Petit‏Verified account @carolynmichelle 17 Mar 2020

          And telling my father (who is no longer alive), who was the source of so much of my suffering as a child but who had his own terrible demons and struggles, that I forgive him, that I know he was suffering too, that he did the best he could.

          1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
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        8. Carolyn Petit‏Verified account @carolynmichelle 17 Mar 2020

          Anyway, at this moment, when I find all my fears and anxieties activated, when my loneliness is exacerbated by the quarantine, when things feel so precarious & uncertain, I find mindfully looking past myself and getting in touch with the kindness I carry within especially useful.

          1 reply 0 retweets 13 likes
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        9. End of conversation

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