Was talking last night with a friend who hasn't played Disco Elysium and I was trying to articulate something about what made it so consistently pleasurable and, in a sense, joyful for me, despite being a game shot through with depression, injustice, and political rage.
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One thing I hit upon was how, when I feel like a fuckup or failure (or when I'm keenly aware of the world's transphobia), I really curl inward, withdraw from the world, try to make myself small or invisible. But the protagonist of Disco Elysium is very different in this regard.
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He is king of the fuckups. Just a massive walking disaster. The people around him are constantly aghast at the staggering magnitude of his fuckuppery. And it's not like he's oblivious to it, like he doesn't have voices in his head that constantly lash out at him for his failures.
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And yet for all of this, he doesn't withdraw from the world. The world doesn't become distant and gray and lifeless to him. He takes up space. He persists in existing in a big way, saying outrageous things and fucking up all the while.
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I've had to do a lot of work just around convincing myself that I deserve to exist & take up space & struggle & fuck up in this world. There was something deeply cathartic and joyful about inhabiting a character who, despite undoubtedly being a fuckup, continues to live so large.
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It's really great! Hilarious and tragic and infuriating all at once, like life itself.
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