The feeling of alienation and strangeness when love/dating/relationships/etc seems to work one way for you and another, completely different way for just about everybody else.
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Like it wouldn't be fucking hard enough for me as a trans woman who doesn't have passing privilege and isn't conventionally attractive, I have to have a heart that only one in a million people have the key for. Fucking fantastic.
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I've felt this a lot. I want something genuine, transparent, and real, and it so often falls flat with people. One of my partners has helped me have hope in her love and our shared vulnerability, but I still wonder if I can find someone more like me and if it'd just implode.
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I'm considered "passing" and desirable, but that has honestly often meant people mainly just wanting me for my body or skills. I get caught in this odd place where I am commonly desired but then, due to trauma and insecurity, accepting of almost any affection, not what I need.
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