cap’n watsisname

@capnwatsisname

How late is this place open? avi mostly by . Header by . Top Tweets: Profile link is just the tweets.

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Vrijeme pridruživanja: listopad 2018.
1.547 fotografija ili videozapisa Fotografije i videozapisi

Tweetovi

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    8. lis 2019.

    [running into my ex while shopping] Me, under my breath: smooth peanut butter, smh. dodged a bullet there. Her, to the dolls riding in my cart: hello Cynthia. Anne.

    148 proslijeđenih tweetova 554 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  2. prije 9 minuta

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 2 sata

    Minister: "And do you take this...thing.." *audible gasps* Minister: "To love and cherish, to have and to...you know what, I can't do this. This is an abomination!" Me: "WOW. Absolutely rude. C'mon honey, let's get married somewhere else." Packet of oreos in a wedding dress:

    1 reply 11 proslijeđenih tweetova 26 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 11 minuta

    [Friend drags me with her to the bar bathroom] Me: *counts the duration of her hand-washing aloud*

    15 proslijeđenih tweetova 40 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 12 minuta

    Me: Oh, fruit snacks. Cashier: Those are gummy vitamins. Me: healthy fruit snacks.

    1 proslijeđeni tweet 1 korisnik označava da mu se sviđa
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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 13 sati

    Imagine having the energy of an overtired toddler.

    1 reply 17 proslijeđenih tweetova 39 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 13 sati

    The little empty space in mozzarella sticks between the batter and the cheese is where I keep my hopes and dreams

    17 replies 233 proslijeđena tweeta 1.063 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    me: i'd like another bag of those goth grapes please store clerk: *sighs* again sir they're called olives

    14 replies 227 proslijeđenih tweetova 791 korisnik označava da mu se sviđa
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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 18 minuta

    me: i just got out of a long relationship so i am not ready for anything serious right now her: *squirts me with water from a flower on her lapel* me: marry me

    1 reply 7 proslijeđenih tweetova 28 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  10. prije 20 minuta

    Ariel, except an introvert, happily deciding to call it a “dinglehopper,” a little celebration of life 1,000 feet of noise-cancelling ocean below jabbering - whaddyacall’em? - clodstompers.

    1 reply 2 proslijeđena tweeta 6 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 2 sata

    ME: But let me show you my greatest achievement. Son! Come here a minute SON: Yes Dad? ME: Here he is! Son, bring me that photo of me and Optimus Prime

    11 proslijeđenih tweetova 23 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 1 sat

    Valentine’s Day is coming up so be sure to guard the pieces of your soul worth keeping (if any) as they are shiny attractions for witches to pluck from your being and attach to smooth stones

    11 proslijeđenih tweetova 49 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 3 sata

    Oh lmao you’re waiting in line for your coffee? Couldn’t be me, I used the Dunkin’ Donuts app so all I have to do is grab my order and stroll out, sucks to be yo- *trips and spills my coffee and an embarrassing number of hash browns*

    5 replies 33 proslijeđena tweeta 154 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    Let Tilda Swinton serenely and mysteriously host this year's Oscars, you cowards.

    1 reply 3 proslijeđena tweeta 17 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    13. kol 2019.

    I will vote for any candidate who promises that Skeletor will finally pay his fair share

    6 replies 43 proslijeđena tweeta 90 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 16 sati

    *takes cough medicine, drifts back to bed like a selkie to the sea*

    23 proslijeđena tweeta 67 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 20 sati

    j jonah jameson: PARKER. what are you doing here? peter: you asked for spiderman pictures, sir j jonah jameson: SPIDERMAN? he’s old news *slams fist on table* QUOKKAS. I WANT PICTURES OF QUOKKAS peter: j jonah jameson: they’re cute. they’re adorable. make me want to hug them

    55 proslijeđenih tweetova 256 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. sij

    Maybe we all died doing things we didn't have to do and now we're in obligatory

    12 replies 200 proslijeđenih tweetova 417 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 11 sati

    Titled the video of my daughter’s first steps “Noob Descending a Staircase”

    1 proslijeđeni tweet 3 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    How can you tell if an introvert is asking a rhetorical question? He is.

    8 replies 203 proslijeđena tweeta 398 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 15 sati

    it takes a man precisely 39 years to figure out what haircut actually looks good

    8 proslijeđenih tweetova 31 korisnik označava da mu se sviđa
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@capnwatsisname još nije objavio nijedan Tweet.

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