The workshop was for Madison West's girls and boys ultimate teams (together). The captains of the teams wanted to be proactive about making these conversations the norm within their program. 
2/pic.twitter.com/z1hIlxDJpL
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The workshop was for Madison West's girls and boys ultimate teams (together). The captains of the teams wanted to be proactive about making these conversations the norm within their program. 
2/pic.twitter.com/z1hIlxDJpL
Lots of planning and intentionality from leadership to make it happen. We postponed once to make sure everyone would be there, and proper communication/messaging to teams/planning could happen. 3/
The main activity was the potato
activity. Groups of 6-7, both genders (2:4, W:M ish). Every player gets a potato. Create an identity for your potato. Tell its story to your group. 4/pic.twitter.com/n4Taf3AihN
Within groups, they made a poster that highlighted things their potatoes all had in common, only some of them had in common, and then things that were unique only to one potato. 5/pic.twitter.com/RZgb6RYxjn
Then they discussed. What is identity? What identities do you have? Are your identities visible or not? How often do you think about your identities? Does that answer change if they're more common in your spaces? Etc. Etc. 6/
We joined as a big group. Boys brought up some commonalities (e.g., "we all have insecurities"). Girls said that it sucks when someone makes you feel bad about an identity you're proud of. Other comments too. 7/
I shared with them how that day, in particular, it was really fucking hard to be a woman. In science. In education. In ultimate. A million cuts, and a bunch of [very tiny] cuts just happened to be that day. 8/
And how after that day I still had to come facilitate a discussion where we had to use POTATOES to talk about identity because it is so hard to get people (especially men) to engage in and want to return to discussions like this. 9/
Fwiw, I did say all of this to them. Not aggressively, just in a tired kind of way. I find it both really easy and incredibly difficult to be
authentic and candid with people I don't know well. (easy on the front end, difficult afterward inside my mind)
9.5/
But then I was also filled with gratitude and optimism. Because a dozen of my friends showed up to facilitate small groups. From women's, men's, mixed, college, club, and pro teams. 10/
Because the HS captains are willing to adapt and be vulnerable and accept responsibility when it's hard and hold men accountable and use their voice and be angry and be receptive to their friends being angry even if it's at them. 11/
Because the boys' team has a new head coach that I believe with my whole heart has and will change the culture of ultimate at West for the better. Even though it seems a bit like trying to drive out of a frozen, muddy tract made from the wheels that made a road. 12/
Because they're in high school and most of them *want* to be better for each other, already. Because they're going to be my teammates someday (both literally and figuratively speaking). 13/
I debriefed with the group of captains afterward. And I was/am completely overwhelmed with the complexity of my feelings about the whole thing. 14/
The girls, rightfully, are afraid the boys don't get it. I think they're totally right. We want change faster than it can happen. We're trying to get them caught up on a lifetime of experiences that they will never have. Can feel a bit hopeless, honestly. 15/
Most of the boys are protective of their own comfort. The real me says that they should get over it and being uncomfortable is good and welcome to the club. And the other real me asks, how do we confront discomfort in a productive way, so you will continue to show up? 16/
No one's identities are their "fault". I really believe in all of these kids re: their capacity to effect change. I believe in many of them re: their willingness to do the work. So in some ways it all feels completely hopeless, and in others I'm just totally inspired by them. 17/
So then I started thinking on my way home: how do you cultivate empathy? Does everyone deserve empathy? It is SO HARD to have empathy for some of the men I interact with every day. And what if I used up my emotional energy on them instead of someone else more deserving? 18/
We have to start at such a basic level with these conversations just because men/white people/rich people etc. can be, generally speaking, so sensitive/defensive about these identities. They aren't used to thinking/talking about them. 19/
And so it's almost inevitable to feel like you let down the groups you're trying to help. Like it's almost never going to be enough? Which is also a good feeling because I think if I ever said "okay, that's enough" I'd be wrong. 20/
BUT it's enough for now and in that moment? I've gotten marginally better about finding the natural ebb and flow to the emotional energy I'm able/willing to give to certain things, which is a good spot to be. 21/
Anyway so I took back the potatoes and made dinner for the week (don't worry they're washed well). At least if I'm sad angry about potatoes, I can still eke something out of them.
Pelmeni were on point. 22/22pic.twitter.com/HMHXwKkHCH
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