ᴄᴀʟᴇʙ ʜᴇᴀʀᴏɴ

@calebsaysthings

comedian and writer at whom nobody has ever been mad. thin and popular in the relatable way.

chicago
Vrijeme pridruživanja: listopad 2010.
Rođen/a 24. siječnja 1995.

Tweetovi

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    pov: you’re my coworker and I’m telling you the first part of an entire weekend I spent with our other coworker

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  2. awake again. grateful, but what now?

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  3. jim carrey’s yes man (2008) is a perfect film [𝙧𝙚𝙥𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚𝙙]

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  4. might bring "yuppers" back this year just to kill time

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  5. jealous of everybody in iowa tonight. hanging out with my friends and getting a ton of attention would hit the spot this evening.

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
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  7. when thai restaurants bring me a fork instead of chopsticks it’s like...quiet down but thank you

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    Odgovor korisniku/ci

    Let me be a guest speaker!

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    I’m throwing one of these in my house for half price a head.

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  10. inviting some of my closest friends over for white guilt hors-devours. the perfect solution!

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 18 sati

    Hey , how can there be such a thing as an out of network ambulance? My husband didn't have a choice--he was put in the ambulance that showed up at the doctor's office. Now I'm paying more because the ambulance was out of network?

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  12. regardless of your political affiliation, the iowa caucus is really a beautiful spectacle. tonight, iowans of every size, shape, color, and creed will gather in one big barn and yell a candidates name at the top of their lungs. whoever doesn't pass out gets to pick the president.

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  13. the first creative agency I worked at in chicago asked us to call our work mentors our "parents" if you were wondering what kind of clinically unwell minds were dreaming up the baby peanut shit

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  14. when I want to hangout with somebody right now and they’re busy so I say “cancel your other plans and do my thing” but they won’t because their life doesn’t revolve around me? they’re toxic & want to see me fail.

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  16. my favorite part of tv is when Main Character gives up on solving Big Problem and says "this is impossible" and their friend goes "well, I'll drink to that" and then Main Character goes "....holy shit, DRINK to THAT. the answer was right in front of me this whole time" & runs off

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  17. due to personal reasons, I'm awake. and to complicate things even more, I must clock in at my job.

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    Los Angeles!!! and I are hosting a fundraiser for at on March 1st shocking guests TBA!!! LETS GO LETS GO!!!!

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  19. ban gay marriage until tyler the creator and I are dating

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    It’s Missouri you stone cold idiot.

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    punxsutawney phil is a false idol and he needs to be deplatformed

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