went to therapy for the first time and cracked a joke and my therapist just started writing faster what the hell was that
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prisoner of war in the battle between Toyotathon and Happy Honda Days 
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everyone who RAN to the loud boat crashing sound would have never survived the Titanic
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I'm not sure how you drive a cruise ship into another cruise ship when there's all that ocean.
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it took me days to think of this because "explore each other's bodies" is so fully ingrained in my vocabulary I sometimes forget this was its origin
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What's a tweet that's so canonical in your mind you make shorthand reference to it, even if people might not know what you're talking about? (I sometimes just say "uh oh y'all it's gettin' kinda hazy" expecting people to get it)
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his dick might not be 12 inches long but I’ll still suck on it like its a foot
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Shoutout to everyone who bookmarked this, I sincerely hope you’re jacking off to Waluigi porn
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my comedy special is great and you should watch it. my next goal is being able to sell 500 tickets in every major city next year
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George Santos is so funny bc I don’t even know who he is besides the fact that he gets in trouble, like, a lot
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Man hid from police on roof after cannabis farm found in home
Full report: bit.ly/40Kp0hl
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yea I mean the festival used to be better when nobody knew about it. When it was still local and community based, but now everybody knows about toyotathon and influencers have just ruined the whole vibe
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I guess drunk me found out she could order groceries to be delivered which is about as fucked up of an order as you could expect
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sure go to your "job" meanwhile I will be pondering the mysteries of the ocean
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what if bluesky really IS the next new social media app but then they integrate a tumblr porn ban
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imagine looking at your infant child and fantasizing about them threatening to shoot someone
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I was hooking up with this guy the other day and while he was hitting it from the back instead of pulling on my hair he was pulling on my ears
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