Walking on a deserted street (rural Cornwall) a few weeks ago, and realised I was behind a lady on her own. I didn’t know what to do to reassure her so just sat on a wall and waited five minutes to make sure she was really far away. I understand why I had to do it, but it sucks
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It does suck that the world has conditioned her to expect danger from men because statistically it’s likely (men are the greatest threat to women. For men it’s heart disease). But honestly, thank you for what you did. In an imperfect system little things like that mean so much

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I would say my pleasure, but it’s not. All these problems men are sending Caitlin suck, but the worst thing is the guilt I feel as a man for the shit women have been put through by men for centuries. I do my best to be decent but am guilty by association. I hate it so much.
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My friend Ban and I discuss this frequently. We are both so aware of being large men, and so aware of how the women might be feeling, and hating the evil bastards who have made everyone in this situation worse off. It's a horrible feeling.
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I also feel guilty when I cross the road to avoid men at night or purposefully switch the side of my handbag/close my coat, etc because I know he might be a nice guy but I can’t take that risk. It’s a horrible situation where women have to assume the worst
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Absolutely. I have never felt bad about anyone doing that, or when you see a hand go into a handbag or a pocket and feel terrible because you know keys are being gripped. It's not like there's a universal sign, and yelling "I am not a threat" seems fairly counter-productive.
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Yeah, yelling that would definitely make me assume you were a killer. But you’re so right my hand is gripping either my personal alarm or my keys while my eyes look round for all the doors I could run too (will they open?) and likelihood someone would hear me scream.
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But obviously scream fire, not rape or attack as we as women know people are more likely to come for a fire than to help us personally. Because that’s always a fun thing to remind yourself of as a man approaches in the dark
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Jesus Christ. How have we come to convince ourselves that this is a normal way to live? Or that there isn't a way to change it?
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I think you'll find, if you just shout. "DO NOT BE ALARMED. I AM PERFECTLY HARMLESS" Everything will be fine.
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Men should be able to play non creepy theme music to show you we mean you no harm. Maybe the Bod title music would be appropriate.
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I decided that crossing the road worked best for me a long time ago, and tuneless whistling to let someone know I was there (not tuneless by design, it’s just how I whistle).
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Get on the phone and call a loved one. It makes you into a person rather than a sinister set of footsteps.
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This depends on the call you’re having. A phone call about what street you’re walking on may make the woman scared that you’re calling for more men. If it’s obviously “Hello darling, I’ll be home soon to kiss the baby and make you dinner” it may work. But not guaranteed
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Yes, I should have specified that the call be as non-threatening as possible. And I know it's not guaranteed: I didn't say it was. Just offering a suggestion that's worked for me.
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Apologies if i came across abrupt; I just thought that wouldn’t necessarily calm me. It’s more likely to work if the man removes himself; stands still to make his call (allowing me to get away) or crosses the road. Still behind me and I probably think still a threat.
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You didn't at all! I've been told in the past that crossing the road or stopping looks like surveillance. There's no one solution, I think. It's very sad.
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This is a cross-the-street moment, regardless of where you are going.
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Not always possible, also my destination might only be 50 yards away so I have to cross over and then back again, which is even worse.
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Crossing over and back is better than scaring a woman in front of you. At least for me. You may feel differently.
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Point is I suppose there isn't always a straightforward 'procedure', it's just one of those awkward things.
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