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I did not spend my whole childhood and young adulthood wrestling against a world of patriarchal expectations for the ability to express and love my butch masculinity to be told by the very people who are supposed to be my community that my masculinity is the same as a man’s.
Sick of the anecdotes of individual masc nb people/butches/gnc women who have been shitheads used as proof of our “masculine privilege.” Try to find a one of us who doesn’t have a story of someone feminine being the voice of patriarchy. Doesn’t mean femmes are oppressive tho.
Tbh I think the real problem is that it’s easier for y’all to scapegoat masculinity as a whole than to reckon with the reality that intracommunity abuse is a massive and largely unaddressed problem within queer circles.
You’re not prepared to deal with the fact that being queer doesn’t make us magically any less willing to abuse power in relationships than straight people are, so you figure out a way to use identity to make easy internal distinctions and give you the illusion of safety.
This shit? Does not and will never solve the problem of abuse. All you do is make it all the more difficult for the victims of abuse who don’t fit your constructed image to be seen, heard, and supported. Abandon your idyllic vision of the “queer community.” We have work to do.
it seems a gender essentialism that seems related to bioessentialism, in the same way that exclusionism is related to biphobia, and binarism is to transphobia like psychic residue of hegemonies that manifest as hegemony-lite in general, but can be as bad in specific incidents
YUP. Tbh I’m so sick of seeing people on tiktok whine about the “toxic masculinity” of butches 1. when they mean internalized misogyny, and 2. when they don’t want to acknowledge any of the other toxic abusive shit in wider queer circles.
Until he transitioned everyone thought my brother was a butch lesbian and the sheer amount of grief he got from all directions for being gender non-conforming was so intense that just the splash damage from being near him was enough to keep me in the closet (which was the point)
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