personally, i'm uncomfortable with how little i feel like i've earned my money, which makes me uncomfortable spending it. it's mostly from my parents, an NSF grad school grant (and i slacked off a ton in grad school and then quit), and two jobs i barely did any work at
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some of my money is from tutoring / coaching work which it more feels like i earned, but because i've been electronically depositing and withdrawing the money as opposed to handling cash, there is *no fact of the matter* about *which dollars are which*, which is very weird imo
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this leads to what for lack of a better word i'll call "emotional laundering," and to explain what it means i need to contrast with a situation where less laundering is happening suppose your partner gets you a nice durable physical object for valentine's day, say a gem
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this gem carries emotional energy and meaning now: the energy of your relationship, and what you mean to each other. when you look at it and handle it you can be reminded of that energy and meaning
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among other things, the gem is now *irreplaceable*: no other gem will be the gem this specific partner gave you on this specific valentine's day, ever. its meaning cannot ever be duplicated, and in this way it becomes priceless
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contrast with: you went to the gem store and bought yourself a gem. the meaning of the gem is murkier now, because the way you got it - with just the raw power of money - carries a less clear emotional story. there's no fact of the matter about where the money came from
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the money you used to buy it is fungible with other money, and the gem, being a gem you bought at a store where there are lots of gems, is now also fungible with other gems (more or less, depending). fungibility is a sign of lack of emotional energy and meaning
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the monastery has a very lovely tradition that we accept donations of food from community members, and whenever we eat donated food the name of the person who donated it is announced. this carries the emotional energy and meaning of the donation into the rest of us
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furthermore we take turns cooking which means when we look at the finished dish we also are in relationship with the person who did the work to cook it. the whole thing is imbued with meaning in a way e.g. an UberEats order isn't
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anyway i don't have a strong concluding thesis or anything to end on i just think there's something really interesting here about the relationship between money and meaning that i haven't seen other people talk about, would love to hear thoughts
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when my grandma would give my siblings and I some money, my mum would make a big deal about keeping hold of the $20 note & spending it on something particular with granny in mind. seemed kinda strange to me at the time.
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