meh

@bonehugsnirony

yelling at pigeons for not being velociraptors

Vrijeme pridruživanja: rujan 2009.
Rođen/a 08. listopada

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    6. ruj 2018.

    me: the moon controls the tides and the human psyche. wolves know that, that’s why they howl at her. it’s a tribute. therapist: let’s talk about your father me: no

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    27. stu 2019.

    [thanksgiving dinner] mom: no politics tonight everyone: absolutely me: this casserole reminds me of the bolshevik revolution

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 13 sati

    PhD student, c.2020: Here’s a limited argument I made based on years of specialized research. Hope it’s OK 😕 Philosopher dude, c.1770: Here are some Thoughts I had in the Bath. They constitute Universal & Self-Evident Laws of Nature. FIGHT ME.

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    9. stu 2019.

    ha... oh, no no no. I don’t watch television. I prefer worse content on a much smaller screen.

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    [watching a nature documentary] David Attenborough: “Virtually nothing can live here” Me, extremely defensive for no reason: “I bet I could.”

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    someone: *tells me their name* me 7 seconds later:

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    if you’re drowning in nostalgia or yearning for the impossible; may i suggest a natural remedy for your soul? pretend you’re the world’s smallest frog swimming in a tropical pond and never getting emails.

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    me talking about my problems in therapy ▶ 🔘──────── 00:45 me talking about my problems when i’m drunk with friends & making everyone uncomfortable ▶ 🔘──────── 87:37

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 7 sati

    her: ugg boots really put Australia on the map me: no it’s always been there

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. velj

    Capitalism destroyed my family. My grandfather was the ducal elector of the Palatinate, but capitalism disintegrated the Holy Roman Empire and left my family with nothing. No more peasants to work our land, no rents from the fields or monasteries, not even my family’s castle.

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 11 sati

    “You catch the game?” asks the cashier. “Like herpes!” I say. She does not laugh. “Jesus Christ,” the man behind me mutters. My card is declined.

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    24. stu 2016.

    "Holy shit I'm a cat?"

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Dear Twtter Friends, YAY! BERNIE SANDERS FOR PRESIDENT!!!

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. tra 2019.

    DOCTOR: You've gained a lot of weight ME: I'm getting older and my metabolism is slowing down DOCTOR: [slapping chicken wings out of my mouth] I mean since you got here

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    22. sij

    Now I can pay everything with my phone except attention

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    28. sij

    DATE: I had fun. Call me sometime ME: [thinking about making a telephone call] I'm sorry I'm leaving for war tomorrow

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    7. kol 2019.

    friend: please don’t take this the wrong way me: [already filling my overalls with rocks and walking into the ocean] ok

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 11 sati

    Me: *ugly crying* [The folding process that makes Kleenexes pull nicely from the box one at a time]: for some reason I feel like not being there for you today. deal with this, too.

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    30. sij

    me: what idiot named the milkshake when they're obviously stirred James Bond: *dramatically turns his chair*

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    cats r so good....they are like “my ears are triangles! i have no responsibilities! meow meow!!”

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 23 sata

    My grandmother, who was sent to Siberia for 10 yrs, said that in February, birds wld freeze to the ground. So, prisoners, who were sent to work, wld grab small birds, put them under their armpits. By the time prisoners got back to barracks, the birds would thaw out & fly away.

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