Bob Vulfov

@bobvulfov

i was gonna be a great athlete but then mcdonald's came out with the dollar menu

Registrerte seg april 2014

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  1. Festet tweet
    14. okt. 2015

    BUILDING INSPECTOR: what's this called DARTH VADER: the death— [inspector's eyes look up from his clipboard] DARTH VADER: uh the health star

    Angre
  2. 25. apr.

    [avengers endgame] tony stark: this is it thanos thor: it's time to die spongebob: yea! tony stark: what the fuck spongebob: prepare to die thanos thanos: who the hell are u spongebob: [eyes turn black] 𝙘𝙧𝙤𝙨𝙨-𝙛𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙨𝙚 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙜𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣

    Angre
  3. Retweetet
    24. apr.

    rich scumbag hack journalist: *ghoulish, evil opinion* a bunch of people: fuck off, you rich scumbag hack journalist: *starts writing "What I Learned When The Trolls Attacked"*

    Angre
  4. 23. apr.
    Angre
  5. Retweetet
    22. apr.

    People who graduated in 1985 complaining about Warren’s plan to eliminate student debt because they had to pay for their degree

    Angre
  6. 19. apr.

    TED ALLEN: hi chefs and welcome to chopped. ur basket of mystery ingredients today is: a jar of coarse sand, a clarinet, steamed pocket watches, and yarn WHITE GUY CHEF WITH GLASSES AND TATTOO SLEEVES: well immediately i knew i was going asian with my dish

    Angre
  7. Retweetet
    19. apr.

    TONIGHT! Lo-Fi NYC returns with David Rafailedes, Matt DeCaro, + ! Doors at 10PM / Show starts up at 10:30PM! Tix + details here:

    Angre
  8. Retweetet
    17. apr.

    *mayor pete is asked by press if he's caught up on game of thrones and he responds with a plot summary riddled with spoilers spoken in flawless Valyrian*

    Angre
  9. 15. apr.

    JON SNOW: it’s so great to see u all ARYA: i’ve missed u all so much SANSA: our family is together again BRAN: everyone shut the fuck up, there are zombies coming

    Angre
  10. Retweetet
    14. apr.

    Lol I had no idea Dan Crenshaw's district was this gerrymandered

    Vis denne tråden
    Angre
  11. 12. apr.

    my high school bully: -still lives in our hometown -owns a beautiful 5 bedroom house -married the love of his life me: -live in nyc with 9 roommates and a cockroach infestation -following my dream of having staggering credit card debt -no friends -suck ass so take that, derek

    Angre
  12. 10. apr.

    no matter what side ur on, i think we can all agree that yesterday's congressional hearing on white nationalism went very well

    Angre
  13. Retweetet
    8. apr.

    ME: (sitting by a roaring fire) Isn’t this romantic? WIFE: Your crocs are melting.

    Vis denne tråden
    Angre
  14. 9. apr.

    nah sorry im busy tonight. staying in and sniffing essential oils with my boys

    Angre
  15. 5. apr.

    porn ad: hey idiot are u tired of jerking off by urself me: nope that’s my preferred method of jerking off

    Angre
  16. Retweetet
    27. mar.

    ASMR for white liberals

    Vis denne tråden
    Angre
  17. 27. mar.

    battle rapper: stop crying me: well then stop rapping that mean stuff about me

    Angre
  18. Retweetet
    22. mar.

    My old high school classmates are so fucking pathetic and stupid hahahaha can you imagine being so boring that you drive your car home from your job to make tacos with the love of your life on marble countertops in a home you own?? I have an improv show at 1 AM tonight

    Angre
  19. 20. mar.

    [checking into a hotel] ME: and where is ur gym located HOTEL EMPLOYEE: it's on the sixth floor ME: excellent. i love to nourish my body with fitness and exercise HOTEL EMPLOYEE: ME: HOTEL EMPLOYEE: ur not gonna be using the gym are u ME: i am not

    Angre
  20. Retweetet
    19. mar.
    Vis denne tråden
    Angre
  21. Retweetet
    19. mar.

    here’s some footage they left out of the inventor HBO doc about how Elizabeth Holmes adopted her now-infamous proven-fake voice

    Vis denne tråden
    Angre

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