Bob Vulfov

@bobvulfov

i was gonna be a great athlete but then mcdonald's came out with the dollar menu

Brooklyn, NY
Vrijeme pridruživanja: travanj 2014.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    14. lis 2015.

    BUILDING INSPECTOR: what's this called DARTH VADER: the death— [inspector's eyes look up from his clipboard] DARTH VADER: uh the health star

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  2. prije 15 sati

    it's important at times like these to realize people like tom perez & the iowa democratic party leaders are as bumbling & incompetent as a random idiot at ur office. they just happen to work at the office that determines whether u'll die from lack of adequate healthcare and stuff

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  3. 4. velj

    to be fair, i did meet my wife on the iowa caucus app so it’s not all bad news

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  4. 4. velj

    voters: let’s just tally up the results democratic party: no we’ll use a terrible app voters: but it’d be simple, we just count the votes and report the results democratic party: we spent millions to develop an app with lockheed martin and saudi arabia. we’re goin with the app

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  5. 4. velj

    if i were the iowa democratic party i would simply report the results of the caucus in a timely manner

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  6. 4. velj

    the year is 2030. adam sandler has just won his 3rd oscar. “gamer” is officially added as an ethnic category on the u.s. census. elon musk invents buses for the 4th time. an amazon droid allots u ur daily portion of meal pills. we still await the results of the 2020 iowa caucus

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  7. 3. velj

    the super bowl is just another excuse for Big Confetti to shove its flagship product down the throats of american consumers

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  8. 25. sij

    joe rogan: i don’t think we’re far away from the u.s. army genetically engineering super soldiers. im talkin full-on cyborg killing machines jar jar binks: meesa agree joe rogan: u ever done salvia jar jar binks: yes

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    "I sustained a fairly severe head injury down at the wharf last night." - Me, trying to be more sociable at this salad bar

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    18. sij

    TONIGHT! Lo-Fi NYC (), the basement comedy show of your dreams! With Matt DeCaro, Taylor Gonzalez, David Rafailedes, , , , , & ! 9:30 Doors / 10PM Show Tickets here & at the door:

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  11. 15. sij

    (sitting upright in bed covered in sweat, eyes completely bloodshot) shrek was a libertarian

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  12. 13. sij

    joker is an important piece of cinema because it holds up a mirror to society and asks important questions such as "what if the hangover guy did taxi driver but worse"

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  13. 13. sij

    friend: someone burned my house down me: [have held a secret grudge for years ever since he ate one of my french fries without asking first] man it sucks to lose something u love huh

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    13. sij

    after a long day of anxiety i love to settle down with a hot cup of anxiety and curl up in bed for a full 8 hours of anxiety

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    11. sij

    Tomorrow night!! and present Big Debates, Lil' Issues! Featuring , , , , , , Josh Sharp & X Mayo! Tickets:

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  16. 11. sij

    me: [plugging my phone in to charge] i do not need technology for i am one with nature. i am the wind. i am the mountains and the valleys. i am the stars that guide lost sailors to the shore [phone battery hits 100%] ok enough of that, time to go on the worst website in the world

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  17. 8. sij

    [prince harry waiting in line at the california dmv to get his driver's license] fuck

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  18. 3. sij

    one thing is for sure, i definitely trust the rotting hog brain of a failed real estate grifter to navigate the horrible tightrope of massive global conflict

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. sij

    [Murder mystery dinner] ACTOR: The inn keeper was found mutilated in a broom closet. ME: (from the back of the room) When’s dinner?

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  20. 1. sij

    2020 goals: -delete social media -stop eating meat -leave the city and go live in the mountains -go off the grid -decrease carbon footprint and exist fully sustainably -murder a hiker -oh god what have u done -u sick monster -that hiker had a family! -read three books per month

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  21. 1. sij

    friend: yoo dude did u have a crazy new years eve? me: [flashback to me covering my dog’s ears because of nearby fireworks and then eating a huge bowl of ravioli in bed] yes it was nuts

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