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bobby
@bobby
the goat of all time.
Graphic Designeri'm on the computerJoined December 2008
567 Following
79.3K Followers

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SHAQ
@SHAQ
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@bobby
Come on Bobby stop drinking whatever’s in that Kool aid cup, of course it’s the same kid. His name is Oliver and he’s big time buddy. It’s the same kid. Conversation is now over. Thank you for your cooperation. So now Bobby you just shut it, lol
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bobby
@bobby
i just woke up my 8-week-old to eat and i said hi baby and i swear to god she looked me dead in the eye and said hi back. dude did you seriously just break kayfabe you're not supposed to be able to talk yet.
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bobby
@bobby
i am here to tell you that it's okay to call a girl baby "buddy." it's the 21st century girls can be buddies now.
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bobby
@bobby
come work with me on the computer. we get free lunch.
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dom
@dhof
🚨 hiring for a handful of eng roles new app is getting too good and there's too few of us if you do any of: - web (react/tsx/next/fastify/etc) - ios (swift) - desktop (mac/win) - game - ai looking for something new and wanna talk, please dm team/pay/benefits/etc a+++
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bobby
@bobby
new thing i'm doing. when strangers ask me how old the baby is i say She's Zero.
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bobby
@bobby
i said something about a digestif (pronounced the french way) and my brother said who's DJ Steve. always a nice surprise when you unexpectedly go sitcom mode.
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bobby Retweeted
Art Addict
@GirlfriendHaver
At the gas station just now a nickel fell out of my pocket and hit my shoe before landing perfectly on its side. Turned around to show the guy standing behind me in line and he was blown away and said "that's how you know none of this is real"
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bobby
@bobby
gently pressing a hershey's kiss into the soft spot on my kid's skull. congratulations pipsqueak you're a cookie.
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bobby
@bobby
i need someone to play catch with. dumbass.
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⋆ i hate it here ☭ ⋮⋮
@stoneyybaloneyy
People who are still choosing to have children…why? Do you honestly think they are going to have a good life? Let alone a habitable planet when they are older? It boggles my mind. I’m genuinely curious why anyone would want to bring an innocent life into this hellhole.
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bobby
@bobby
a fun game you can play by yourself or with a friend is Does He Have A Goatee Now? the way it works is you think of a guy from your high school and you ask yourself "does he have a goatee now?" and then you look him up on facebook and see if you're right.
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bobby
@bobby
holding my sleeping infant daughter thinking about her future and how i didn't realize it was possible to love someone this much and almost starting to tear up a little bit and then she blasts an absolutely unhinged 5 second long grown man sized fart directly into my abdomen
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bobby
@bobby
got lunch delivered and i said "oh i'm on my garfield shit for real" and my wife said "you got spaghetti?" yes i am eating garfield the cat's favorite food, spaghetti. i'm worried about her.
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bobby
@bobby
wife doesn't like it when i call the baby Ralph because "that's not her name." well guess what lady sometimes ralph is on ralph mode what do you want me to do about it.
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bobby
@bobby
when this guy was younger he was a b-list vine celeb and one time he randomly showed up at the vine office with his mom and i remember being in a meeting looking out the conference room window like hold up. is that big nik.
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BigNik
@BigNik
So disgusting when I see women dressed like prostitutes in the gym. You don’t have to wear spandex and yoga pants, there’s plenty other clothing. I shouldn’t have to feel like I’m in a strip club when I’m just trying to work on my health. It’s annoying.
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bobby
@bobby
babies stay having one sock on. sorry this is what my page is now. time comes for us all.
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bobby
@bobby
infant daughter keeps trying to latch onto my bicep like it's a boob. sorry bud no milk in there just certified grade A american steel.
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bobby
@bobby
hey man don't be named that. don't be named Gibson Jimerson.
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bobby
@bobby
underrated human moment: when a drunk guy is acting weird on a train, kind of threatening to go fully bananas on everyone, and you lock eyes with another somewhat large passenger like Brother....I Just Want To Listen To My Podcast.....But If I Must......I Will Go To War With You
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bobby
@bobby
spotify needs an irony mode. please do not incorporate LMFAO - Party Rock Anthem into my algorithm, i am holding the phone up to my pregnant wife's stomach and telling her i'm turning our kid stupid.
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bobby
@bobby
5 Important Questions To Ask Your Wife 1. (weird voice) what if i sounded like this 2. (weird face) what if i looked like this 3. (walking weird) what if i walked like this 4. (pointing at high thing) do you think i could jump and touch that 5. (flexing) do i look buff right now
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bobby
@bobby
me: hi spotify, i'd love to hear some nice new music from your practically infinite catalog! something i've never heard before...you know what i like, just surprise me :) spotify: 𝗨𝗡𝗗𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗢𝗗. 𝗡𝗢𝗪 𝗣𝗟𝗔𝗬𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗣𝗛𝗢𝗘𝗕𝗘 𝗕𝗥𝗜𝗗𝗚𝗘𝗥𝗦 𝗚𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗧𝗘𝗦𝗧 𝗛𝗜𝗧𝗦
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bobby
@bobby
one time a coworker was designing a brochure or something for a university client and he named a photoshop layer with a picture of a student "douchebag" and then a PM sent the file to the client and they freaked out and he got in trouble. so maybe just don't name your layers.
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bobby
@bobby
there comes a time in every Designer's life when he must turn his Dog into a Logo
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@bobby
the only advice i have to share at this point is that you can go to costco and buy a three pound thing of peanuts for $10 and keep them by your desk and then whenever you're hungry but too busy or lazy to figure out a real thing to eat you can just have a big handful of peanuts.
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bobby
@bobby
the number one thing the world needs is an official letsgooo emoji
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Adam B. Vary
@adambvary
Question for straight men: Do you heart other men’s texts? And if so, when?
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bobby
@bobby
some events have a distinct We Didn't Start the Fire energy. like if billy joel ever recorded a sequel they'd obviously be a lyric. the chinese spy balloon is the most recent example of this phenomenon.
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