Man who claims to have never read a word of Harry Potter quotes liberally from Harry Potter book
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Barry Glendenning
@bglendenning
Brixton via Birr. #woodlandtimberlakes
Barry Glendenning’s posts
They've only been in three. And no team won one in the first 119 of those 151 years.
I've spent Christmas Day on my own twice before. It's nowhere near as grim as you'd think. Breakfast, as ever, is the most important meal of the day and should either be accompanied by fizzy booze ... or just be fizzy booze. The rest of the day looks after itself after that.
Contrary to what the C4 commentator would have you believe, this is *not* Declan Rice's 40th international appearance.
It is his 43rd.
His first three were against Turkey, France and the USA while playing for a different country.
Sky Sports putting this snippet from behind their paywall out for free, so fans who can't afford their prohibitive subscription fees can also learn how money is ruining the game. 🙄
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Replying to @SkySportsNews
"What happens to the fans? They're just forgotten about for the sake of money?"
Fairytale Of New York is a masterpiece. A Sistine Chapel ceiling of tunesmithery.
Any imbecile who wants it banned on the grounds of homophobia has clearly never attended a Christmas Pogues gig at Brixton Academy.
Get to fuck.
Another reminder that Dido Harding was the boss of Talk Talk during *that* data heist but still got the gig of presiding over the current coronavirus tracing app clusterfuck. She is also married to a Tory MP and on the board of the jockey club, which owns Cheltenham racecourse
Football fans with a conscience. Unlike some closer to home in the UK.
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Hats off to Leeds for getting on with things despite having 9 or 10 senior players out injured.
Took on and beat West Ham away when their bench comprised Rodrigo and several embryos. Bielsa divides opinion (I am a huge fan) but is a man of absolute, admirable integrity.
The pious clucking and sanctimonious tut-tutting in the BT Sport commentary box and studio over the "scenes nobody wants to see" in the final 10 minutes of the Atletico v Man City game is off the scale. 😂😂😂
Imagine being only 26 years old but so insular and brainwashed that you're genuinely chuffed to be involved in putting "an end to freedom of movement" and all the unbelievable opportunities that come with it for generations of UK citizens to come.
It beggars belief.
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Just had an email to say I’ve been selected to sit on the Immigration Bill Committee over the next few weeks.
An exciting opportunity to help shape this landmark bill and deliver the end to freedom of movement.
We are delivering on the EU referendum, and on our manifesto 
Oh for fuck's sake. The whole world has gone completely mad.
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A message from Romelu.
After 14 years shithousing for Stoke, it will be fascinating to see if Ryan Shawcross can do it on an extremely pleasant weekend night in Miami.
I bet absolutely nobody has ever thought of doing this before ...
#content
Thanks to all - friends, colleagues + strangers - who sent kind messages as I did the Guardian min-by-min of Denmark v Finland.
I am absolutely fine but will find a way to make the upsetting incident all about me in due course. In the meantime, get well soon Christian Eriksen x
Interested to see tomorrow's reaction but IMO that is a total humiliation for Manchester United.
BT Sport's fanclub of Rio, Scholes, Hargreaves and Partridge are an absolute fucking joke. They seem *astonished* Man United lost.
Well this is great. Look who I got in the pub World Cup sweepstake.
Penalty pain Chez Rushden. Posted with the host's blessing, I hasten to add. I'm not a monster. 👀
Replying to
Is that all? I presumed you were off to @TheAthleticUK.
As well as this?
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This Aged Well.... 
twitter.com/BenDolman4/sta…
twitter.com/BenDolman4/sta…Was buying their ice-cream the reason you had your parliamentary credit card suspended 13 times for breaking expenses regulations? 🍦🍦🍦
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Can I have a large scoop of statistically inaccurate virtue signalling with my grossly overpriced ice cream please. twitter.com/benandjerrysUK…
A tearful and apologetic Dina Asher-Smith announces she is pulling out of the 200m as her damaged hamstring isn't up to it. Decision made after consultation with her coach, medical staff and Piers Morgan.
👏👏👏👏👏 While delighted they lost (sorry Tyrone, mush) every single member of this England squad is so hugely impressive. I love them all, the fuckers.
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You don’t get to stoke the fire at the beginning of the tournament by labelling our anti-racism message as ‘Gesture Politics’ & then pretend to be disgusted when the very thing we’re campaigning against, happens. twitter.com/pritipatel/sta…
Bairstow run out by Carey fails the shopping trolley test. It's legal to leave your trolley anywhere you like in a supermarket car-park after unloading it instead of leaving it in the designated area, but also against the spirit of shopping and proof you're a massive twat.
There should be the pub equivalent of a driving test for all the fucking idiots out at Xmas.
Barging into Qs, ordering Guinness last, demanding darts, yapping to their friends when they should be paying and moving on.
Absolute WEAPONS
Pathetic but why did they make the request in the first place? Just light the fucker up however they please and there's presumably not much Uefa can do about it without taking another awful PR hit.
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Uefa reject Munich request for rainbow lights around stadium for match against Hungary.
“Given the political context of this specific request – a message aiming at a decision taken by the Hungarian national parliament – UEFA must decline this request.”
Haha! Great stuff. All good here - am looting his wardrobe!
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To absent friends. Love and condolences, @bglendenning.
Happy Christmas. twitter.com/jonawils/statu…
Congratulations. This you?
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Delighted and humbled to become an honorary doctor of the University of Sunderland today.
Grant Leadbitter, whose dad's ashes are buried under the Stadium of Light pitch, played for Sunderland against Portsmouth last night despite losing his mum the previous day. That takes guts. 😥
Shilts finally pipes up 😂. Physically the much bigger man, but in every other conceivable way the much smaller one
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Diego Maradona had greatness, but no sportsmanship | @Peter_Shilton trib.al/i6QKbqv
The many Newcastle fans mocking this would presumably rather be in a large city square watching 80+ beheadings.
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Sunderland fans pre League One play off final party in the fountains of Trafalgar Square. #safc @MirrorFootball
Vile. He's just refused to congratulate the newly elected sister of an MP who was murdered by a fascist, but will jump on this bandwagon after saying other fascists are welcome to boo the England team for making a gesture promoting racial tolerance
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Ipswich drop to League One. An absolute triumph for their many fans who regaled me saying they'd rather be relegated playing "good football" than stay punching above their weight in the Championship under Mick McCarthy. Who could possibly have foreseen this?
Trump now out on the golf course - the one place he can win with a lower score than his opponent.
As a card-carrying Paddy I always thought she was a fairly decent old bird. Delighted she held out to deny his moment to shine. Fare thee well, Queen.
Shay Given just out of shot in the background, stealing the pizza off the desk when everyone is distracted.
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When you think you've seen it all but Lionel Messi takes the game to a new level! 
Guardian Football Weekly and had been going for 14 or 15 years before Jake cornered this "niche" market in 2020.
Neither of us interviewed any famous boxer for an hour without asking them a single question about their connections to Europe's biggest drug dealer twitter.com/bglendenning/s
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Whether you're interested in bike-racing or not, this is a remarkable interview from today's stage-winner, whose teammate died in a crash last month.
The humility, the generosity, the imposter syndrome, the sheer torture these guys put themselves through day after day.
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There isn't one quote we could pick out of this interview to do it justice. If there is one interview you watch today, make it this one with @matmohoric.
On n'a pas su choisir une seule citation qui rendrait hommage à l'interview. Du coup si vous devez écoutez un seul interview… Show more
Apologies to Martin Keown, whose jeep I let roll down a slime-covered slipway into the sea after forgetting to put the handbrake on during a dream last night. I dunno why I was driving it or why we were jet skiing together but my carelessness ruined an otherwise nice day out.
Surely his legend was *enhanced* by his addiction and excesses?
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Diego Maradona, the Argentine who became one of soccer’s greatest players, has died at 60. His legend was marred by his addiction and excesses. nyti.ms/2V3HBp8
This made me cry.
Absolutely tremendous. These has-been golfing assholes seem seriously affronted and surprised by these perfectly acceptable and innocent queries.
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#Golf's moral maze...
"If Vladimir Putin had a tournament would you play there?"
@IanJamesPoulter - "I won't comment on speculation"
"Would you have played in Apartheid South Africa?"
@WestwoodLee - "I can't answer a hypothetical question"
@NeilMcLeman with the questions
As the missiles rain down on places like Ukraine and Yemen, won't somebody think of the *real* victims? (PS: It's not being "taken away", he is selling it.)
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Newcastle United co-owner Amanda Staveley has said that it is not “particularly fair” that Roman Abramovich may have to sell #CFC.
Announce Mbappe
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Saudi fighter jets are roaring over Yemen capital Sana'a now. At least three strikes have been reported on unknown spots so far.
Thoroughly deserved. And outstanding work by Neco Williams in the follow-up.🤣
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I won't lie - watching England Women crash out of a tournament they could and should have won is just as funny as seeing the lads do it. Never stop.
😂😂😂☘☘☘☘
Head injuries. Vertonghen apparently passed fit to continue despite being evidently all over the shop. Carried off a crumpled mess at his own behest moments later. Not acceptable, surely?
Patronising shite and hopefully it will age badly. FYI: Juventus manager Andrea Pirlo also does not hold a Uefa Pro coaching licence. #monthetown twitter.com/ESPNUK/status/
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A traditionalist who changed colours of Salford City from tangerine to red without consulting fans? twitter.com/fizzer18/statu
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Good to see giving it the full stool-spanking gun as he celebrates Cambridge United's promotion to League One with the current Mrs Rushden.
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A pub, south London, Friday 3:10pm. Two adult Englishmen walk in, look up at the telly and do a genuine double-take: "Has she died?"
HOW COULD THEY POSSIBLY NOT KNOW!?!?
I am absolutely fine thanks. Delighted Wilson is mining my grief for likes and RTs. Thanks to everyone here for the kind words and messages - too many to respond to individually. My main regret is Big Sam died without having the foggiest idea what a podcast is.
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Replying to @bglendenning
Sorry for your loss Barry, hope you're doing ok
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Seven times, mate. Everyone knows your boss thinks you're an idiot, but seven times (seven times) you refused to criticise his slurs against Muslim women. Shameful. You are a fawning lickspittle embarrassment.
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At this election you are putting your trust in the people who are going to tax and spend your money in the coming years. You have a right to know how, and how much. Thread: #GE2019 #CostOfCorbyn
Patrick Schick absolutely nailed on to score five Premier League goals for Crystal Palace next season after being signed by Steve Cooper.
Spurs have put all their fans upstairs for this game. Not one visible on TV. A better view for them or all the better to keep Nike swooshes, HSBC and Axa lower-deck sponsorship covers visible on the telly? Is any top flight club's hierarchy more tin-eared?
To be absolutely clear: Bielsa did *nothing* wrong. He just did something a lot of English football journalists frown upon and consider unsporting ... unless they're caught doing it.
On Football Weekly today, I joked about Kyle Lafferty crying last night. Soon after, I learned he's just lost his big sister to cancer, felt awful and asked for the comments to be edited out, which they were. There is every chance Leigh Griffiths dropped a similar bollock.
Wait for it. "Typical Lineker. Could have adopted a homeless British dog or ideally an army veteran K9."
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Meet Filbert, the new and already much loved member of the Lineker family. He’s a rescue from the streets of LA. Met him through his foster parent and friend Reggie, @r_breakspear on a recent holiday, and it was love at first sight. I’ve been dogless for far too long.
Watching Euro final tomorrow at Rushden Towers with England fan , closet Wales fan (he doesn't like to talk about it) , and who wants to order curry because pizza is tacit support of Italy. Current Mrs Rushden will also be present. God help her.
Solskjaer getting lauded for that undeniably impressive victory over a Leeds XI acquired from Lorient, Brentford, Bristol City, Chesterfield, Lugano, Leeds Academy, Rennes, Valencia, FC Twente, Man City and Boro, but apparently it's Bielsa who has been over-praised. 🤔
As an unbiased, unpartisan football "so called journalist", I hope PSG get absolutely smashed and ground into the dirt by the plucky underdogs of Bayern Munich on Sunday. 👍
Oh that's tremendous twitter.com/SachinNakrani/
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Matt Le Tissier presenting with Right Said Fred as pundits seem to be the early favourites.
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Will be intriguing to see who does do it. twitter.com/IanWright0/sta…
What a credit to his mum and MUFC is. By contrast I have watched every episode of Inspector Morse, drank enough red wine to sink a ship and learned four chords on the ukulele. But it's not a competition - we've both achieved a lot in our own little ways.
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It's hard to believe Marcus Rashford is only 22 years old.
During lockdown he has started a charity that raised £20m and helped feed 400,000 children.
Launched a campaign with Selfridges to help the homeless.
Learned sign language to judge a poetry event in a deaf school.
Somebody throw her a fish. It's like she's never actually clapped before. Except we know she did back in 2017, when the Tories whooped it up after voting not to give nurses a pay rise.
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Thank you to all those caring for the people we love #YouAreHeroes #ClapForCarers
Weirdly, I randomly bumped into en route to work this afternoon and we had an enjoyable, if short catch-up. Just a quick update there for those who believe we no longer get on and won't hear a word to the contrary. Mum and dad are OK and still love you all
So it turns out the late-night Big Shop you order when drunk (to arrive three days later) is full of things you want rather than need: nine bottles of wine, two crates of lager, a wheel of goats cheese, grapes, crackers and chocolate biscuits. 😬
Very strong words about greed and venality in football from , but like Micah's they are rather undermined by the fact they are being delivered from behind a Sky Sports paywall.
Apologies, I was under the impression you wrote them because you got fired from the Mirror and CNN twitter.com/piersmorgan/st
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What kind of party? Are you off your tits on pills and ket? Or discussing house prices with like-minded twats while the hostess cries on the stairs because she burnt the creme brulee?
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I’m at a PARTY so @bglendenning will have to bring the funny tomorrow.
10am. @talkSPORT
PSG have done it again!!! Incredible choke-merchants!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Merse is a gent. He is funny and has a great insight to football but is sometimes unable to express himself as eloquently as he would like. For that he gets pelters he doesn't deserve, sometimes from people who should know better. The world is a better place with him in it.
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Thank you all for the lovely messages, they mean a lot to me personally. If I can help one person by sharing my story then in my eyes it’s a success #oneyearsober #onedayatatime
Brexit in a nutshell. Look at this fucking imbecile and his numbskull side-kicks.
I've got a Paddy passport - good luck to the rest of ye!!! 😂😂😂 twitter.com/Awaydaysbible_
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This is quite astonishing. I hope and others who encouraged him to do this back at BBC HQ, all feel thoroughly ashamed of themselves. Freaks.
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"They're using a plastic container to try to bail out the boat"
Live on #BBCBreakfast @SimonJonesNews found another migrant boat attempting to cross the Channel. The group say they're from Syria.
bbc.co.uk/news/uk-537048
This already wonderful situation will be further improved when he ends up on Border Security: Australia's Front Line after they've checked his luggage and found a bunch of bananas, some deer antlers and a family of grey squirrels.
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Djokovic is currently isolated in a room, not allowed to use his mobile phone.
"No, really. We are ninth in the Premier League and just as this story broke we were scraping an undignified home draw against Fulham. Somebody in this Super League has to be bottom and it might as well be us."
This never, ever gets old. Has the pub been identified?
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Replying to
Sorry mate, that's my fault. I like a post coital cigarette each time I pop around to visit Mrs Rushden.
An awful lot of people who probably think they don't need to watch this really need to watch this ...
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"Black Lives Matter is a cry for help, not an attack on white people"
@SkySportsNews' Mike Wedderburn explains why the banner over the Etihad was offensive
More: trib.al/4OvC542
Pub debate - if you're only allowed one 4-hour drinking shift a week, what you choosing? Sunday 3.30pm to 7.30pm for me, Clive.
Football. Dinner in your belly. Home. That farm sheepdog thing ... followed by Antiques Roadshow and an early night. Lights out at 9.30pm. Thoughts?
The pious Twitter absence ends with Max seeking credit/sympathy for looking after his own child. 🤣🤣🤣
Chris Rock: "You’re supposed to you dumb motherfucker!”
Anyway, long story short, the current Mrs Rushden and I had a great time on our European get-away.
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Delaney ostentatiously wiping his feet on black and white stripes, in a none-too-subtle show of his well-documented contempt for Newcastle fans.
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Players or their agents apologising for on-field errors. For the love of God, stop it. Just stop.
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Can only Apologise for the penalty miss, thought we created enough to get something from the game. We go again & stay together
Hard to disagree with any of this. As great a statesman and politician as he is, Gareth Southgate is hugely over-praised for his two massive failures.
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“We should have won the Euros and we should have beaten Croatia!”
“I think with the opportunities he has had he should have done better.”
“We shouldn’t be patting on the back due to others underachieving.”
Simon Jordan is yet to be impressed by Gareth Southgate! 
An often harrowing and shocking listen. A shame Dele felt forced to do this i/view earlier than it suited him and his recovery in order to get in front of a tabloid "exposé" re: his spell in rehab. Hopefully it won't matter. Hats off , very deftly handled.
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I’m struggling to find the words to put with this post but please watch my most recent interview with Dele. It’s the most emotional, difficult yet inspirational conversation I’ve ever had in my life. Watch the interview on @wearetheoverlap here youtu.be/LyDL9EUIdy0
Solidarity with all the striking rail workers. Their union is absolutely top drawer. 👏