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bessbell's profile
Bess Kalb
Bess Kalb
Bess Kalb
Verified account
@bessbell

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Bess KalbVerified account

@bessbell

Head Writer/EP of “Yearly Departed” and author of “Nobody Will Tell You This But Me” from @aaknopf and tired.

besskalb.com
Joined April 2009

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    1. Bess Kalb‏Verified account @bessbell 18 Jul 2018

      If my husband turned into a lizard I would get a very nice terrarium and I'd sit with him and feed him tiny bits of breakfast burrito and watch movies and listen to podcasts and every night run into the dark woods and beg the witch to lift the curse, the terrible, terrible curse.pic.twitter.com/zZpwvWtxhg

      573 replies . 8,985 retweets 41,402 likes
      Show this thread
    2. Bess Kalb‏Verified account @bessbell 18 Jul 2018

      "My dear girl," she'd cackle with a malevolent grin. "If your true love's return you seek, you must kill another's within the week." I'd crumble to the ground, my nightgown covered in dirt, weeping at the beastly task, the horrid riddle. "I...can't." "Then he remains a lizard."

      9 replies . 165 retweets 3,978 likes
      Show this thread
    3. Bess Kalb‏Verified account @bessbell 18 Jul 2018

      I'd stay up all night staring at my lizard husband warming himself under the glow of his state-of-the-art infrared terrarium light with automatic motion-sensor shut-off. "What do I do? What would you have me do?" He'd blink at me with all four eyelids and I'd know. I'd know.

      16 replies . 150 retweets 3,824 likes
      Show this thread
    4. Bess Kalb‏Verified account @bessbell 18 Jul 2018

      Two nights later, haggard and panting, I'd return to the clearing in the woods. "Witch!" I'd shout. "I've done your bidding!" "Good," she'd creak, appearing before me, an inky phantom. "Hand me the heart of another girl's love." I'd hold up a satchel, dripping with blood.

      10 replies . 111 retweets 2,998 likes
      Show this thread
      Bess Kalb‏Verified account @bessbell 18 Jul 2018

      "Here," I'd choke. "Look. Come closer." Her gnarled white hands would grasp the strings as she'd greedily start to open the satchel, ravenous and mad with power. I'd steel my nerves and snatch it back. "But first. Give me the anti-lizarding potion." Our eyes would lock.

      9:57 am - 18 Jul 2018
      • 103 Retweets
      • 2,918 Likes
      • Daylight Saving Time Traveler The Cheese Kitty Anxious Trans Robot Snowscape spring honse Mr. K DeeDraw! moonie⁷ arïna
      15 replies . 103 retweets 2,918 likes
        1. New conversation
        2. Bess Kalb‏Verified account @bessbell 18 Jul 2018

          "Do you not TRUST me, dear?" she'd coo, saccharine and unnerving. "I...I do. Of course I do. I just want to make sure we both get what we have earned." She'd reach into her cloak pocket, her raven-black eyes still fixed on mine, and produce a tiny vial.

          10 replies . 105 retweets 2,803 likes
          Show this thread
        3. Bess Kalb‏Verified account @bessbell 18 Jul 2018

          I'd snatch the vial from her outstretched hand and thrust the blood-soaked satchel into the other. Her wicked glee would distract her just enough that she wouldn't notice the lizard carefully climbing up the back of her cloak.

          6 replies . 101 retweets 2,747 likes
          Show this thread
        4. Bess Kalb‏Verified account @bessbell 18 Jul 2018

          As my pulse quickened to a hum, I'd quietly uncork the bottle. Just as the lizard was at her neck, she'd look up in horror, her face contorted in a mask of pure rage. I'd feel a rush of cold fill my chest as she'd screech "YOU WRETCHED GIRL. THIS IS A COW'S HEART."

          16 replies . 102 retweets 2,858 likes
          Show this thread
        5. Bess Kalb‏Verified account @bessbell 18 Jul 2018

          In a flash of pure adrenaline, I'd lunge toward her and splash the contents of the bottle directly on the lizard clinging to her collar. She'd scream a ghastly scream as a 175-pound man suddenly formed around her shoulders, breaking her neck with a horrible crack.

          16 replies . 103 retweets 3,248 likes
          Show this thread
        6. Bess Kalb‏Verified account @bessbell 18 Jul 2018

          As she'd writhe, bug-eyed and panicked for a moment before taking her final breath, I'd loom over her and say "And that's why I'd love my husband if he turned into a lizard." Then I would turn to my true love and give him a high five that would shake the heavens.

          211 replies . 197 retweets 7,347 likes
          Show this thread
        7. Bess Kalb‏Verified account @bessbell 20 Jul 2018

          Epilogue: https://give.thetrevorproject.org/give/63307/#!/donation/checkout …

          6 replies . 14 retweets 365 likes
          Show this thread
        8. End of conversation
        1. 𝕞𝕚𝕤𝕤 𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕪 𝕞𝕠‏ @ramdonomo 18 Jul 2018
          Replying to @bessbell

          pic.twitter.com/BoJS2HIFq6

          0 replies . 0 retweets 11 likes
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