guess she was busy ! haha :) x
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The thing I’m going to miss most about mum being an mp is being able to spy on her live in parliament and then watch in real time as she reads and ignores my messages 
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i really empathise with u but surely it's the guardian's responsibility to develop a robust and secure business plan that protects its workers. encouraging people to pay for content that is already freely available does not strike me as one ....
life hack! delete uber and deliveroo off your phone for ‘ethical reasons’ and then make someone else pay for it every time
hetty douglas modelling a supreme nike "work jacket" has to be the most brazen move of 2018
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this is the ONLY TIME I WILL EVER SAy this lol but ..... mom and dad
sorry but at 23 you’re old enough to contact the airbnb host and get another key
my palms are sweaty knees sweat arms are sweaty there's sweat on my sweater already I'm too sweaty
Now I'm single I swear at people I'm thinking about an unbelievable amount under my breath. I just called my roast chicken a prick.
Wow cool thanks for letting your teenage audience know that leaving leg hair natural isn't even an option #missvogue
why are the painfully mediocre daughters of famous people so obsessed with proving they've had sex before. either get your lips done and release a decent sex tape or grow up . so pathetic
so major lol the qanons are posting about i-D - fashion publishing has never been so relevant !
in this interview with my two favourite icons who definitely hooked up after btw marilyn descibes himself to nigella as a vagina-tarian
everyone’s a smug cunt until u open the window and immediately burst into tears
and they used paper straws . we have so much to learn from the past
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Did Neanderthals bury their dead? New evidence from a 50,000-year-old skeleton found in Iraq suggests they did bit.ly/2STOPud
I've been off social media for over a year now. Recently I've been thinking about ways to write online that might capture more of the complexity and messiness of real feelings. This is one attempt, along with some thoughts from life in the offline abyss :)
for halloween i am going as a successful freedom of information request that requires everyone to release the actual sales figures of their book
I wish I could console Nick Cave and family in any of the countless ways he always consoles me in times of sadness. Such an awful tragedy.
the most flawless scam of liberal feminism has been ‘empowering’ women to spend £100s on makeup waxing and exercise classes and then forcing us to pay for our dinner and drinks as well. a Joke??
it's official, skating is mainstream now
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#BREAKING Prince William and Kate expecting third child: palace
really such a beautiful day in london and an amazing backdrop to the last day of my 20s i mm still in bed at 6pm looking out the window btw
when you say you can’t vote for corbyn you say you think that homeless people freezing to death over night and children starving through lunch breaks at school in this country is the lesser of two evils. think seriously about which side of history you will be on.
once i have sledgehammered my brain cells on twitter i love to head over to Insta for an unbearable dose of spiritual pain
same day delivery means u can’t even enjoy the elaborate selling theatrics of capitalism u just pay and then the tat appears on your desk no need to even remove ur sweaty little trotters from the misery keys
looks are nothing if u dont have the manipulative behaviour patterns to match
u know what happens this week? all the corbyn-sceptic liberal journalists realise they’re out of touch and write columns about how important it is to vote labour. it happened last time and will happen again. spineless irrelevant vultures. :)
take advice from me, i'm currently crying on the overground without a coat
barely named creatives posting 5-part threads like 'someone i DIDNT fancy tried to kiss me once' and people in the comments are seriously replying "Sending love 😔"
hi everyone. after the immense success of my facebook housing group Rooms with FriendsTM i decided to make a map of all my favourite places to eat in london - here it is for u all to fave and enjoy (NB im a north londoner obviously)
putting on outside clothes for a zoom meeting so it doesn’t look like u just woke up
we’re all like fully aware that white people using the black emoji signs is like 100% full body cringe right ?
cant decide if i want my future son to be amazingly cool so i low key fancy him for my whole life or like a beautiful roly-poly dumpling who begrudgingly agrees to be my best friend for my whole life
we are undergoing such a deeply pleasurable razing of dunces. imagine tweeting about abortion rights in 2k19 but refusing to publicly endorse labour. imagine publishing quirky books about feminism but reFUSING to endorse LABOUR. these people must know right.. like. they're done??
mushpit is shortlisted for a design award at the design museum alongside some actual buildings lol
Whenever I walk through London Fields in the daytime I hope to see self-employed couples breaking up
interesting how black man/white woman still the only culturally acceptable mainstream version of progressive values
"Find me a person who wouldn’t wear a pig tail butt plug to live rent free in London and I’ll show you an idiot." I wrote about why we all want a Daddy for i-d.vice.com/en_uk/article/
if u can’t handle me at my in bed all day then u don’t deserve me at my in bed all night
maybe we should stop mass farming animals in the most disgusting way possible :)
self-care, skincare, exercise and self-acceptance all emphasise the lie that it's possible to live peacefully in a system which routinely humiliates u, fucks with your gut health, drains you of vitamins, starves you of purpose. no i don't read slumfl;ower sorry.
I have written about Thatcherite concepts of happiness and being ugly on the inside
it’s really hard not to actually cry when people you love and respect tell u they don’t know who to vote for. how can you seriously think your personal opinion of one person’s alleged personality is more important than, like, ending austerity and saving lives lol
*creative 1* millenials tweet a lot about wanting to die
*creative 2* i can work with that
new twitter makes it so hard to read my own tweets aka the only reason i literally come on here
imagine if your type was "average height dude in new vans" you would literally drown in dicks
people who put their rollie in their mouth as they stand up to get off the tube: get a life
imagine going back to your parents' house for quarantine... lol. as if u still have a bedroom there. absolutely mad.
"when women are angry they cry and when men are afraid they're aggressive - people often perceive that as being the other way around" 🙌
fake your own polls 🥊
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hey everyone i’m looking for a career change, ideally looking for work in an old large boot or under a dank rickety bridge, but i’m not fussy :)! more details on my The Dots profile thanks
Conflicted by concept of labour now bc I can't think of anything grosser than rebuilding a party those centrist losers would get behind. I mean I'd literally leave my own bday party to get away from them lol
every cat I've ever said hello to in the street will be waiting for me in heaven
A white man's waist length dreadlock touched me on the tube and now I have to burn all my clothes!
Bowie dies and it immediately seems inconceivable that he could ever have inhabited the same planet as us in the first place