ben flores

@benjaminflores

chicago comedian || i love to consume and post content on apps and websites || ig: bensflores

Chicago, IL
Joined April 2009
382 Photos and videos Photos and videos

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  1. Pinned Tweet
    17 Nov 2016

    when you know you look like a narc so you become the biggest narc ever 😎

    3 retweets 10 likes
  2. May 18

    If you are stuck in the middle, look above or below you to find what you seek

  3. Retweeted
    Apr 25

    If this gets 50K RT's I'll get my new friends tattooed on me.

    11 retweets 15 likes
  4. Apr 17

    "You look way less ugly now that you've transformed" - Negatron

    1 like
  5. Mar 31

    I'm gonna name my kid "Benson," or if it's a girl, sacrifice her in order to receive a male heir

  6. Mar 30

    Ridesharing is a great analogy for school choice in public education, because it outright ignores all the people riding the fucking bus

    4 likes
  7. Mar 23

    My jerk doctor said it's not "healthy" to keep my phone next to me in bed, so now I just rest it on my chest while I sleep

    1 retweet 4 likes
  8. Mar 23

    "You merely adopted the friend zone...I was born in it, molded by it" - Reddit Bane

  9. Mar 21

    YOU (boring, dumb): duhh I like The Bachelor I'm so dumb ME (eccentric, smart): the Bachelor? kind of my guilty pleasure

    1 like
  10. Mar 21
    Replying to

    Netflix is located in Silicon Valley where failure is the true measure of success

    2 likes
  11. Mar 21
    Replying to

    thanking god right now for tv viewing order guides. King of Queens was ruined for me because I freakin started at the third to last episode

  12. Mar 21

    god damn it I already saw these movies. I knew I should have waited for this blog post

    1 reply 4 likes
  13. Mar 17

    if pizza is round, explain this???

  14. Mar 17

    Breath of the Wild is impressive but honestly it is bullshit when Epona breaks her leg and Link pulls out a gun and shoots her. 0 Stars.

  15. Mar 17

    Favorite movie from every year I've been alive. Subject to change based on current mood. What're yours?

    2 replies 1 like
  16. Mar 16

    When global warming is complete, liberals will be the only snowflakes left

  17. Mar 16
    Replying to

    "Climate Change Caused The Melting Ice Caps To Flood This Trump Voter's Home. The Look On Her Dumb Face Is Priceless!"

    1 like
  18. Mar 14

    If I ever tell you I don't have time for something, feel free to remind me that I've seen 156 episodes of The Good Wife

    3 likes
  19. Retweeted
    Mar 14

    well, well, well. Looks like even the most advanced chess-playing robot in the world couldn't defeat my strategy of pushing it down a hill.

    3 retweets 24 likes
  20. Mar 14

    instant classic dad text

  21. Mar 13

    be right back, following 300k people to see if some of them will follow me back

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