Sara Owens

What if—and hear me out because this will sound CRAZY—instead of interviewing a few voters at a time in a bar in Pennsylvania, we interviewed HUNDREDS of voters, chosen at random from all around the country. Furthermore, we'd ask them all the same questions to minimize bias.

One thing I know for sure: no one on the right side of history has ever had to nitpick what the definition of “cage” is.

7-year-old: What did you watch on Netflix when you were a kid? Me: I was born way before Netflix. 7: Were you born before books?

There's only one rule that I know of, babies — God damn it, you've got to be kind.

Sometimes it's like, who's responsible: the victims or the person who's responsible?

In school, rarely do we learn how data become facts, how facts become knowledge, and how knowledge becomes wisdom.

HGTV is the porn of the interior design world and it's rewiring our brains with unrealistic expectations like beverage stations and pergolas

Donald, the fact that white supremacists are cheering your #PhoenixRally speech last night means you're doing it wrong. So very, very wrong.

Freedom of speech does not mean freedom from its consequences. If you spout vile hate, expect to be treated like the very garbage you spew.

Me: I’ll do literally anything to lose weight. Wife: Eat less and exercise. Me: Except that.

5-year-old: *gets out of the pool* Me: You look tired. 5: It's a lot of work to stay alive.

No thanks, eclipse. I don't need another thing that talks a lot of game and then only lasts 2 minutes.

My 1-year-old forgot to throw a temper tantrum before we left home and now she's looking around confused like her whole day is thrown off.

I prefer to play vending machines over slot machines because I have a better chance at winning.

[Mexican restaurant] 5-year-old: How many chips will they bring us? Me: As many as we can eat. 5: Can we live here?

I'm a rabbi. I believe words have power. I try to choose mine carefully. Fuck you, Trump.

Happy Bday oh dearest Obama Thanks for 8 yrs of no drama For your wisdom and strength For sparing no length And no daily national trauma