Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: the fear of long words.
Whoever named this condition is straight savage.
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I Like Beer & Babies
@beerandbabies
I like beer. A lot. I also like babies. If you like beer and babies, preferably mixed together, this is the perfect place for you.
ilikebeerandbabies.comJoined July 2011
I Like Beer & Babies’s Tweets
While at the airport waiting for flight, I had to sneeze. While eating lemon bread. So I sneezed lemon bread all over my arm and in my hair. I just blew my nose and more came out. Bonus: everyone around me thinks I have lemon bread-induced covid so I now have the gate to myself.
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Santa got run over by so he is recuperating at the bar for a while. #amazonsleighedsanta #primesuspect #hitandrun
A woman driving by stopped in the road and called my husband over to her car yesterday. He stopped mowing and went to her car. She then asked him when we’re gonna put the leg lamp back up. Moral of the story: if you have candy, my husband will get in your van. No questions asked.
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In my son’s “fictional” story for class, my name is Karen. Ima have to talk to the manager about this shit!!!!
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Things you have done to/put in your body that are more questionable than the COVID-19 vaccine. Go:
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I was just introduced to a new employee on our team as “the wild card”. My work here is done.
Bruce killed ANOTHER damn bird. Head over to Instagram to see my stories/post about it. @ilikebeerandbabies.
So... A portion of this money goes to me, since I wrote ‘Cover Me Up.’ I’ve decided to donate everything I’ve made so far from this album to the Nashville chapter of the . Thanks for helping out a good cause, folks.
Quote Tweet
Fans of Morgan Wallen are buying up the country star’s latest album after a video showed him shouting a racial slur last week. His "Dangerous: The Double Album" spent a fourth week at the top of Billboard’s all-genre chart.
apne.ws/zJlcunt
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You never fully realize what a vile, repulsive piece of human garbage you are until you have to move all of your furniture to get your carpets cleaned.
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Me to my daughter and husband after cutting 6 inches off my hair: did you guys notice I cut my hair?
(Blank stares)
Me: you guys do know I live here, right?
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Did they put a dart in ’s neck and throw on stage in a Trump mask?!? Who is this person??? twitter.com/realDonaldTrum
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Thank you to the men and women who went above and beyond to uphold the electoral college yesterday. Whether you agree with the process or not, what they did was put our democracy before themselves and their safety to do what was right for this country. Thank you all.
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Remember when #Trump called #BLM protesters terrorists?
Terrorist: a person who uses unlawful violence and intimidation, especially against civilians, in the pursuit of political aims.
Cut to him calling his moronic minions to the #CapitolBuilding today.
Ironic. #DCProtests
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King-sized mic drop.
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Dear @DrBiden: My father was a non-medical doctor. And his work benefited humanity greatly. Yours does, too.
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I was in the bathroom and heard my hubby tell our daughter he needed to talk to me alone and shut the bedroom door. I came out to ask him what he needed and found him playing the kids’ Christmas Nintendo Switch. I opened the door, yelled “kids, your dad needs you” and walked out.
This is some ratchet shit I am here for.
Quote Tweet
Is it even an official conference if you aren't using Four Seasons Total Landscaping? By popular demand - we have a properly sized @zoom_us background. Drop a photo if you use it! #LawnAndOrder
Today I am "I just clicked on a cyber phishing scam for free candy" years old.
How I lived--and almost died--in LA dlvr.it/Rjwd73
I went to LA once. Would not recommend... ilikebeerandbabies.com/2020/10/how-i-
If only older me could see younger me’s face when she told her how excited she would one day get when the air filter she had been shopping for to help with her mold allergies went on prime deal... #primeday
I just had to break it to my husband that Lydia the rhinoceros beetle is loose somewhere in the house. And she can fly...
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2020: when you realize “Baby Shark” is an ancient chant that opens a portal to Hell.
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So how will be be counting 2020? Is the whole year a wash or does each month counts as a year? Am I turning 40 again next month or 49? Need to know if I am planning a blowout or takeout.
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Gloves: check. Mask: check. , here I come. #SocialDistancing #StayHomeSaveLives #StayHome #StayAtHome #FridayFeeling #CoronavirusPandemic #FridayMotivation #FridayVibes #HappyFriday #COVID19 #coronavirus #CoronavirusPandemic
When I agreed to have kids I did not know that I would have to basically raise them on the Oregon Trail. I currently have no oxen and dysentery is lurking around every corner…
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They usually say my name and not my order at , but when they do yell, “flat white!“ to beckon me I feel sort of offended. #trentilatte #shortcupsize
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Couple probably in their 80s sitting in the waiting room at a mammogram center. Wife gets called back. She says to her husband, “I’m leaving.” He pretends to cry and say, “What will I tell the children?” She gives him a kiss and goes back for her appt. #WeShouldAllBeSoLucky
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When you accidentally send a text meant for your girlfriends to your husband... #happyvalentines2020 #screenshotsaturday
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Every time What if I Never Get Over You by comes on I find myself singing the words to Isn’t it Ironic by . #IronicallyUnderPressure #IceIceLady
When your son is obsessed with #carmastersrusttoriches on he builds out of , complete with and the whole crew. #gothamgarage #carmasters #lego #legomaniac #marktowle #gearhead #constancenunes #legominifigures
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Personality test: do you put off tasks that don’t seem rewarding?
Me: never.
Computer: your password will expire in two weeks.
Me: whatever. you don’t know my life.
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If you need me this week I will be getting #crunk/#whitegirlwasted in #Cabo with thanks to #aicshowstopper #hrhloscabos #liljon #getlow
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