Normalize men having to stay 6 feet away even when this pandemic is over
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Elise Bauman
@baumanelise
Actor/Filmmaker/Sometimes Funny Person
imdb.com/name/nm6850865…Joined October 2014
Elise Bauman’s Tweets
On ariana grande’s new album she has a song titled “needy” directly followed by a song saying “I’ma need space” so if that does not perfectly encapsulate my dating energy I’m not sure what does
I’m confused I thought they already had straight pride isn’t that what coachella is?
Oops, this brewery accidentally used my dating profile as their beer notes: "well rounded with a balanced bitterness & a smooth body."
How have the Orlando gunman's parents already apologized for their son's actions but Brock Turner's parents still think he's the victim?
That moment when Tatiana Maslany rides her bike past you and says she liked your work in a short film. Excuse me as I go barf my feelings.
Bisexual culture is when you show up wearing the exact same outfit as your male date.
Next time someone asks me what the strangest thing and I have signed is, I can say “a marriage certificate from that time we were sitting in a park and a couple of strangers asked us to witness their wedding.” Sometimes it’s nice to be reminded there is love in the 🌎
Dear Hallmark,
Is the loss of some of your viewers more important than the erasure of an entire group of people?
(An open letter)
And that's a Burrito Bowl! ......I mean wrap. We just made a movie? I don't like endings....
Most of my exes have found their significant other almost immediately after dating me. I am like the layover on the way to monogamy, the brief Icelandic stopover on the way home from your wild vacation. I am the Reykjavik of relationships.
“So you got a boyfriend?”
My favourite question to be asked by my Uber driver as he drives me to my home address at night.
Thanks to invisilign, my teeth are now the straightest thing about me.
The queers are a very environmentally friendly bunch. We’re very good at recycling exes.
I like flirting but I don’t like dating. Is this the equivalent to liking ketchup but hating tomatoes?
I wish the people I was attracted to/trying to impress could see how cool/awesome/funny I am around LITERALLY ANYONE BUT THEM.
Just a couple a' classy broads taking a bathroom break. #myfeethurt
Me in the summer: I’m going to run everyday! And ride my bike everywhere! And swim in a lake and maybe also a pool! And isn’t it neat that nature supplies you with an endless energy source for physical activity!
Me in the fall: ....masturbation counts as cardio right?
Went to a “dress as your 80 year old self” party tonight and didn’t have to change much. 👵🏼
The day of shooting photos for the poster for the movie day. #CarmillaMovie
How I ended my set last night:
“Well, I do have more jokes, but I’m out of time, so just like with most of the men I’ve slept with, I will not be finishing tonight.”
Wore loose grey tank. Rode bike in heavy wind. Saw people smiling. Thought, 'the world is full of nice people'. Realized nipple was showing.
Hello! Just a reminder that the same rules of consent apply for females as they do for males (i.e. grabbing my ass in a photo op - NOT COOL). 😎
“Whatever comes next, we do it together.”
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The way these two support each other is such a beautiful thing 
@baumanelise
@natvanlis
@TheCdnAcademy
#AudienceChoice
@baumanelise
@natvanlis
@TheCdnAcademy
#AudienceChoice
0:05
ONE. MONTH. TILL. RELEASE. ...but who's counting really. 10.26.17 #CarmillaMovie
Can I drop all the tears instead??? 😭
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Carmilla (@carmillaseries ) - the little webseries - IS FIVE YEARS OLD TODAY!!!!!
Please drop all the gifs!!
GIF
Cashiers keep asking me if I need “validation” and I don’t drive so I forget they’re taking about parking and I’m like yes obviously I need some of that please.
I’m fairly certain if Disney cast a white actress to play Pocahontas in a live-action remake, the same people complaining about Halle Bailey being cast as Ariel wouldn’t bat an eye.
Thank you to everyone for watching and being a part of this journey and sharing what the show has meant to you. You are all loved.
Dear #ScarlettJohansson, the way you can use your privilege as a white cis woman is to amplify the voices of underrepresented communities, not speak for them.
Nearly everyone I have been with has gotten engaged/married/found the love of their love very soon after things ended with us so I think I’m going to start charging a service fee to all the dates I go on from now on
Just read a draft of the Carmilla movie script and I shall now, in no particular order, tweet it in emojis: ☠️👻🙀🕵🏼♀️💃🏻👩❤️👩👗🥀🌓🎂🗺🕯⏳🔪⚰️🚪🔬💓⁉️
Casually hanging by beautiful French doors not posing at all with
My neighbour has been playing “thank u, next” and that sad song from a star is born on repeat for several weeks now and while I am sympathetic to this very obvious breakup I wouldn’t mind a change of playlist.
Cis straight men be like “I know a spot” and then can’t find your clit
Example of things to compare: Cellphone plans.
Example of things not to compare: Women with other women.
Bend it Like Beckham but with Naomi Scott and Kristen Stewart and they end up together.
Got my eyes checked and my optometrist was explaining to me something about how my eyes were having trouble focusing because there’s a certain part in them that’s fighting not to let go and I was like wow even my retinas have control issues.
Thing is, I would love to be in a relationship, I really would, but I would also love to continue shame eating in private.
I am a very patient, loving person until technology that isn’t working properly is involved.
The 10 year old girl I nanny: *starts singing “Baby it’s Cold Outside”*
6 year old boy I nanny: “Why doesn’t he just drive her home?!”
When the cast shows up in coordinated outfits completely by accident......that's when you know. 🖤💙
BufferFest? BufferFriends. #BufferFestival
So incredibly proud of this woman!!!!!
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Congrats to our favourite broody vampire @natvanlis for winning 'Fan's Choice Award' at the #CdnScreenAwards tonight!
The act of talking to myself has increased approximately 100% since moving into a solo apartment and I am now convinced people get pets just so they can justify speaking out loud in private.
Oops I fell into a bath. Photos by the talented Justine Stevens Photography.
I think this year for Halloween I'll either go as a sexy feminist or a sexy piece of pizza, I haven't decided yet.
Getting text message love from both my on-screen-loves at the same time.
I’m co-producing a short film and the director is 9 MONTHS PREGNANT and has been having braxton hicks contractions for the past few days and today we held auditions and she worked with grace and love and drive. The hashtag #womeninfilm has never felt more appropriate.
Life, thank you for a full 26 years. I promise to continue to be your student, and to strive always to vibrate with the frequency of Love ❤️
Sometimes self-love is doing the hard work. Going to therapy, having hard conversations, asking tough questions and making difficult choices that don’t offer instant gratification.
And sometimes self-love is ordering a hamburger to your front door at 10:30pm on a Friday night.
All I want for Christmas is for someone to hand-tailor all of Harry Styles’ floral suits he’s been rocking lately in my size.
Guys! My dear friend has deservedly been nominated for this award. I don’t know many people who take the role in “role model” as seriously as Natasha, and I think you all should go vote and show her some ❤️.
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Thanks to your nominations, Natasha Negovanlis (@natvanlis) has been shortlisted as a #BritishLGBTAwards *Top 10 Online Influencer* 
Vote for her now at britishlgbtawards.com 
Vote for her now at britishlgbtawards.com 
Mirror mirror on the wall, who's got the cheesiest hotel room of all?
This extended episode of Scandal is great. Shonda Rhimes is killing it. #ElectionNight
I JUST TRIED ON A PAIR OF SHORTS AT A THRIFT STORE AND THERE WAS $25 CASH INSIDE THE POCKETS TODAY IS A GREAT DAY 🤑🤑
How to be a Strong Female Lead in a movie directed by a man:
Drama: Smoke naked in a bathtub, very troubled
Action: Possess all qualities of Strong Male Lead, but keep it feminine (tits)
Comedy: Don’t be funnier than man
Horror: Wear lingerie, have body gruesomely dismembered
For Halloween this year I’m gonna dress up as ‘the extinction of humankind due to climate change’ and just like, not show up to any parties.
I didn’t quite get to everything I wanted to say last night, so here’s what I would love to share with you now:
Instead of champagne & cake I'm serving kombucha & homemade pumpkin pie because IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND I SHALL PARTY LIKE I WANT TO! #grandma
So this thing happens when and I act together that is magic, and apparently it happens when we sing together too. Happy listening
I get that seeing your baby for the first time after childbirth must be a cool experience but WHAT ABOUT THE FEELING OF CUTTING INTO A PERFECT AVOCADO THOUGH
Happy Dec 1st Everybody! Can’t wait to cozy up and watch smash holiday flicks such as “We Wish You a Heteronormative Christmas”, or “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas....Because Everyone in This Town is, Except For Those Two Background Actors.”
I have low blood pressure, and a doctor recommended I should consume more salt, so now I eat a bag of chips every night before bed, as medicine.
If ya know, ya know
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Thinking about the time I wore a tank top to an audition and the casting director told me I was not “network appropriate” so I said “well you know what they say! You get two options as a woman: Virgin or a Whore! Guess I chose wrong today!” and then they didn’t see me for 2 years
Replying to
Happy to have grown next to you the past two years ❤️