batkaren

@batkaren

my mom fucked a bat

avi by @OtherDanOBrien
Vrijeme pridruživanja: travanj 2009.

Top Tweets

Top Tweets for @batkaren Collected 2020-02-03 by @TopTweetsBot
  1. 16. pro 2015.

    KID: *falls out of tree* I'm fine ADULT: *sleeps on neck a little strangely* I have to turn my whole body to look at you for the next week

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  2. 26. svi 2015.

    "This isn't helpful at all" - Alien watching To Catch a Predator

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  3. 15. velj 2015.

    Do not use subway pole to destroy your opponents.

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  4. 5. lis 2016.

    Watches romance flick backwards to see an insipid woman who lives solely for a man blossom into an individual with her own life

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  5. 22. pro 2014.

    LOOK AT ME, she screamed from a tiny corner on a speck of dust circling a small star, one of billions in a galaxy, one of billions in space.

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  6. 11. sij 2015.

    *lights dim in restaurant* DATE: did it just become sexier in here? ME: I CAN'T SEE MY MENU

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  7. 5. ožu 2016.

    Life is pretty expensive given how garbagy it is

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  8. 14. ruj 2015.

    Do not hunker down like a youth camp counselor about to get real for a sec.

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  9. 3. velj 2016.

    Sorry I armed a group of theoretical physicists with Sharpies and set them loose in your glass pane warehouse

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  10. 31. srp 2015.

    *Magneto flapping his wrist frantically, trying to shake loose a fork stuck to his hand*

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  11. 14. srp 2018.

    If you’re now afraid to even talk to women because of MeToo, then congratulations, you’ve correctly self-assessed that you have no gauge for appropriate behavior and that you need to stay away from other people until you figure that shit out.

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  12. 27. lip 2019.

    - Be pregnant - Have a child - Become a fancy fuck

  13. 11. svi 2016.

    The old woman began a slow clap. "Bravo for once again not listening to me about the clams."

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  14. 28. stu 2017.

    "Can everyone just stop?" I plead. "Stop what?" they ask. I frantically gesture at everything.

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  15. 7. ožu 2015.

    "Mom, I'm an adult. There's nothing left for you to show me." (*folds a fitted sheet*) "TEACH ME YOUR SORCERY, LINEN WIZARD"

  16. 23. kol 2015.

    "I'm more night hamster than owl," I say, pushing another wad of food into my cheek pouch at 2:00am.

  17. 12. stu 2015.

    HER: What's your cell plan? ME: Bodily decay over decades until inevitable mortal collapse. You? HER: ... ME: ... HER: ... V-Verizon.

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  18. 4. pro 2015.

    They say "you snooze, you lose," which means I start every morning failing multiple times in 9-minute intervals.

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  19. 17. velj 2015.

    I just wish experience could be gauged in a base unit other than rodeo attendance.

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  20. 4. ožu 2015.

    MARY: Your welcome... JON: It's "you're" welcome. MARY: ...is overstayed.

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