I'm driving to Barnard Castle to test my eyesight
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Barney Ronay
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So now they’re ... both called Rio Ferdinand ?
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Kate Wright changes her name after wedding to Rio Ferdinand as they jet out of Turkey mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-
Roman Abramovich standing against global elites and for the people's game 👏👏👏
Marcus Rashford is basically my main source of hope for the future of the UK right now
Is there any way Man Utd can persuade Inter to sign Ed Woodward?
This is fairly pathetic predictable stuff. Why footballers? Why not hedge funders or retail magnates or those with vast unearned inherited wealth? Why not the Prince of Wales?
Don't get the beer outrage at all. Qatar is an Islamic country, alcohol is prohibited, seems fine. Having a beer is not a human right
Those people at Millwall booing the players for taking the knee are an embarrassment to the club, south London, football and the rest of the modern world. needs to make this very clear
Wanted to like Panama. But they're playing like the bloke you don't invite back to midweek 7-a-side
New UEFA executive and PSG chairman Nasser Al-Khelaifi seems like the ideal man to help with UEFA's investigation into the dealings of new UEFA executive and PSG chairman Nasser Al-Khelaifi. Well done all involved.
Can never tire of it, this headline will never be surpassed
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Wayne Hennessey is ‘desperate’ to learn about the Nazis, says Roy Hodgson theguardian.com/football/2019/
The FA will now sack Gareth Southgate. It's vital we follow the Spanish model
20 years from now Guardiola is going to over-think one of these games so hard that he'll accidentally play his normal team and win
It's important to grasp that Giggs introduced that poem into evidence deliberately, through his own lawyers, as a way of showing that he is a nice normal guy
Except, Eric dier on football and eric Dier on the EU are the same thing. The bloke who scored England’s decisive penalty v Colombia learnt to play in Portugal, a beneficiary of EU membership
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Tottenham's Eric Dier told to 'stick to football' after tweeting support for #PeoplesVote on Brexit bit.ly/2TN3KsE
Man Utd, even when they had more money than everyone else in the 90s/80s, always had a distinct charisma. A happy, good looking, cool older brother kind of team. This iteration so much harder to like. Entitled, pissy, moaning, meandering. No doubt it trickles from the top
Sad to be in the same industry as this drivel. Basic “logic” is stupid enough: only the poor should care. The subtext is something else
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Ok, so let’s address this. I’m 23. I came from little. I need to protect not just my future but my family’s too. To do that I made a decision at the beg of 2020 to start investing more in property. Please don’t run stories like this alongside refs to ‘campaigning’.
Bukayo Saka will now manage England to a penalty shoot-out defeat in the final of Euro 2052
Getting harder to haul Harry Kane in now for the golden Boot. Really hope he seals it with a penalty, a one inch tap-in and an involuntary shinned fluke just to annoy the people who get annoyed
Correction: society’s battle. There is no separate parallel world called “football”
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Alan Shearer and the balance of outrage and self-interest
Announce Mbappe
I like Guendouzi. He is, in the best sense, a bit of an arsehole. Arsenal haven’t had a good arsehole for some time. They’ve had dickheads. But that’s not the same thing.
I reckon Jake Humphrey would do it. “You say picket line. I say blue sky opportunity. The only barriers are the ones we hide behind Alan.”
Rod liddle last week: England taking the knee has created a “toxic” atmosphere. Rod liddle this week: people who call things “toxic” are “snowflakes”. Hard to keep up with this fast-paced thinking!
Classic Ashes scenes as disbelieving man discovers you can’t buy 12 cans of Stella at Euston M&S self scan because “it’s not yet 7am sir”
Bit odd blaming "Londoners" for all the people fleeing to get home/to family for Christmas. Londoners are from London. That journey means you are, by definition, from somewhere else.
Oh no. Middlesex chairman has just done the "black people don't like cricket, they like football" thing in front of DCMS. Unchallenged. Followed it up with "asian people are too interested in academia". Literally saying this right now live in front of the entire world
Charles gets the Markle job. Same old names always in the frame. Would have given it to Dyche myself or the Cowley brothers at Lincoln
Replying to
Maybe trying to replicate and pay homage to the past, while the present moves on around you, is actually an obstacle to progress
Super League has always been inevitable. It turns out these very rich, ruthless people did not buy your club because they love heritage old stories and community sport
There is something a little shameless about ex Utd players refusing to tell the truth about their old mate on TV. Fine and loyal, but stay home, don't take the viewers' cash in that case...
It costs £420 to get an adult and two kids into lord’s for one day of this game. They deserve all those empty seats
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Make the tickets cheaper @HomeOfCricket 
twitter.com/Mendelpol/stat…
twitter.com/Mendelpol/stat…The fact Gary is still that excited about football explains why he’s in the job. Imagine getting angry about a show of genuine emotion
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Seem to have upset a few @LFC fans by celebrating greatness last night. Admittedly it was a bit cringe, but as a former player who loves @FCBarcelona I make no apologies for dancing to the diminutive Dios. 
“Despicable” = playing amateur football the same weekend there was a test match going on in front of 40,000 spectators. These people are insane
This looks horrendous twitter.com/nusr_ett/statu
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Azeem Rafiq’s messages are something he has to face and explain like anyone else. But to be clear, their existence makes Yorkshire ccc and English cricket more not less racist. Net racism is increased by this, not diluted or excused. The need for culture change even clearer
The European Super League
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Tell us about the closed shops that you’ll miss theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2
Does everyone already know that the young Alex Ferguson's first "steady girlfriend" was Trent Alexander-Arnold's grandmother Dooreen. Find this a bit mind-blowing
Australia's plan to rest Scott Boland for 12 years ahead of this Test really worked out
Undeniable fact: BMX is an incredible sport that everyone understands and anyone can have a go at. Let's build 20 new community tracks. And don't let me hear any more about "rowing inquests" til it's done
This is a basic breach of playing regulations
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Ivan Rakitic: Croatia will have 4.5m players on pitch in World Cup final trib.al/uTwX0Ot
Suspect everybody secretly admires what Eric Dier did. Don't abuse people from behind a fence. Might come back to bite you.
Wayne Rooney is now six months and a losing playoff final away from becoming Man Utd manager
Genuine danger the political collapse of the United Kingdom might start to overshadow Wayne Rooney Day
Michail Antonio is talking about a loss of scale. He makes a good point. The cat stuff is bad. The relative levels of outrage are also instructive
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West Ham's Michail Antonio has questioned the reaction to Kurt Zouma kicking his cat, asking if it's worse than players convicted of racism.
Never understood why West Ham fans didn't protest more about losing the Boleyn Ground. Seduced by promises. And entombed now for all eternity in their own temple of dildo
Pretty confident Arsenal can win the argument today against Man City
I see Nonce Twitter has come out strongly in favour of Michael Jackson
Consolation for Messi, a great day for his second job as Saudi tourism ambassador
Maybe the problem with Man Utd is that the big story is an ex-manager who shouldn't be in the picture having views on an ex-player who shouldn't have come back not being selected by an ex-player who shouldn't be the manager
Arsenal also looking to extend Ozil's current deal for 4 more years
Wait for the Millionaire Marcus Rashford Bought This Very Expensive Pair Of Shoes gambit
Cocaine has today issued a statement distancing itself from Michael Gove. "We have no recollection of ever, at any stage..."
I’m not sure Germany even know England are their Biggest Rivals or that there was only ever one World Cup. Sad
A lot of talk this weekend about Prince Philip's passing. But have to say Jorginho has been immaculate here
Gareth Bale being subbed at half time in an empty brand new mega stadium by a mind-gaming celebrity manager you can’t afford to sack... this is my dream, my nightmare
Neymar dismissed as a gadfly, bottler, choker etc by BT pundits (who don't seem to realise he was injured the last two years at this stage). Looks of bafflement in the studio when Neymar doesn't give up and instead helps win the game at the end.
It's important to remember everyone who loses a football match is a fraud
This is better than the Bundesliga
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Replying to @chakrabortty
Senior cabinet ministers humiliated themselves today, claiming that Cummings only went to Durham for the childcare and stayed put.
Now eyewitnesses say he went back after his return to London and took strolls with his wife to admire the bluebells
theguardian.com/politics/2020/
Ronaldo will score the only goal with a late penalty and do wild ab-rippling ear-cupping celebrations like he's just killed a crocodile with his bare hands while inventing nuclear fisson. Just fwd to that bit
Startling detail from that story. Suggestion is whenever you hear the England band strike up you’re listening to a paid employee of Qatar. Wonder if they’ll take his passport away
Brilliant plan, terrorism is finished
Any idea Tuchel “didn’t play the kids” is piffle. Havertz and Pulisic are younger than Mount and Abraham. Foreigners can be kids too.
If Lampard was called Scolari or Ancellotti or Villas-Boas he'd probably be sacked now, rightly or wrongly. The odd thing is, those blokes actually had some managerial pedigree to merit the extra patience
Would be funny if Ryan Mason turns out to be a crazed defensive nihilist plays 6 at the back and tries to win every game with one shot at goal
Roy Hodgson has emerged from lockdown looking like a suave international jewel thief returning at dawn from a French Riviera casino
You do a rock-solid handstand on the edge of a 10m board. Then a perfect triple somersault down into the water. And don't die. Just walk out. And someone goes, yeah, six and a half for that mate
England's game against Iceland on Wednesday should just be cancelled. We're in the middle of a pandemic lockdown, the players are exhausted and it's a dead match
Mourinho has lost 13 of his last 31 games as a manager. Good job he's a pretty easy-going chilled sort of bloke or that might start to sting
Beheadings, whatever. Govt PR tool. Fine. Repressive laws. Like, I could care less. But when you start to fuck with the shirt, when you do that, when you change the colours, well... i just... i can't... there is, let me tell you, a line, and...
This article has turned out to be stunningly accurate in its prophecies
Talksport: so Alec Stewart how did you feel about the controversial stumping of Jonny Bairstow?
Stewart: Well, Alex Carey did absolutely nothing wrong and Jonny Bairstow was just a bit dozy
Talksport: …. Oh
Nauseating biased Messi fanboy love-in
Wait, Matt Hancock is NOT giving his fee for that stupid TV show to charity. He’s just keeping the money. An elected serving (failed and notorious) MP. How is this possible?
Jos Buttler has a good test record, good average for a No7, almost 3000 runs. And yet somehow every single innings he’s ever played is a 17 ball duck
People trying to get Gary Neville to say solskjaer should be sacked: a new 22 part serial from Sky Arts
Europa League final is turning into the Fyre Festival
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Just to recap, Uefa has chosen EL final venue that:
- Has an 'appalling' human rights record
- Can't cope with large numbers
- Has minimal/no direct flights from major Euro cities
- Can't guarantee safety of one of the players
- Means match could finish close to 2am local time
The sheer weight of Messi v Mbappe seems a bit hysterical and celebrity driven. Messi is the greatest player ever. Mbappe is a standard brilliant footballer, one in every generation. He might score a hat trick today and Messi might retire. But these are two different stories
It's so alpha of Van Dijk to come to David Luiz's home patch and do what he does but even better
If Mbappe goes to Saudi i’ll never forgive him for betraying the purity of the PSG vision
Man Utd is such an odd bunch of objects chucked together. Ralf Rangnick, Cristiano Ronaldo, Fred, Harry Maguire, a cat, three rubber bands, the 4-2-2-2 system. Nobody would ever deliberately design this thing
To be fair Mourinho's relentless commitment to attack will leave you open at the back now and then
Jose sacking is huge, massive social media numbers, brand visibility through the roof - a great day for the whole company
Four options. 1. Arm the players. 2. Replace them with soldiers 3. Admit we have an angry alienated population and try to do something about it. 4. Snipers. Personally I’d go with 4 but either way problem solved
Must be odd for ex-England players, many now working in the media, as the whole country talks about how much more likeable and humble and worthy this current lot is. What’s the correct response? Yeah, you know, we really were dicks?
The West Indies should drop Kemar Roach to look at other bowlers and plan for the future
