This is what happens when English majors need jobspic.twitter.com/WzGfY56RTK
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If the elderly woman on the second floor finds out you refer to her as “seasoned rice” she’s putting rhubarb leaves in your next pie, bud
Also got to ask, where to YOU live in this burrito apartment scenario? Given that you’re there to eat everybody, I assume you’re a serial killer who has broken in and tortured these details out of everyone.
This is like an Agatha Christie fever dream where you live on the roof of an apartment building spying on all the residents and nicknaming them after foods BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO EAT THEM ALL
Okay wait, new theory. @tacobell you BETTER be listening, I am spending TIME here.
You ARE Low-Fat Sour Cream. A recluse who lives in your penthouse spying on your neighbors, developing fantasy relationships with each of them because you are too shy to speak. Even to Jeff.
You dream of anyone remembering your birthday - certainly the distant Vanderbilts do not - or thinking to bring you a pie. You imagine friends with shared and intriguing interests, women who enthrall and intimidate you, probably while overcharging all of them rent.
I liked the old Rice lady but this building is starting to seem unpleasant.
Jeff can fuck directly off
oh great..now I'm hungry.
This is not the product of a sober mind.
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