Alex ZalbenVerified account

“May I?” Fallon says, reaching towards Trump’s mouth. Trump giggles and nods yes. Fallon sticks his hand entirely in the President’s gaping maw, grabbing his front teeth and shaking them back and forth while the crowd roars with approving laughter.

Suddenly—almost imperceptibly—something darkens in the President’s expression. A flicker of fear passes over Fallon’s face, followed by a nervous giggle. Still, feeling the audience’s laughter, Fallon does not remove his hand from Trump’s mouth.

“Fake news, right?” Fallon says to hoots and hollers of appreciation from the audience. The President offers a wry smile and a nod of the head, as much as he can with Fallon’s hand lodged in his jaws. Ready to move on, Fallon tries to remove his hand... But he can’t.

Frightened now, Fallon tries to pull his hand from the President’s mouth, which only makes Trump clamp down harder. Fallon winces in pain, but isn’t ready to stop pleasing the audience yet. “Grab ‘em by the hand, right?” Fallon quips to laughter from the crowd.

The shape of the President’s mouth begins to change, becoming rounder and wider. Though the cameras don’t capture it at first, centimeter by centimeter, Fallon’s arm is slowly sucked further inside Trump’s wet lips.

It isn’t until Fallon’s arm is already halfway down the President’s throat that anyone notices something is wrong. “I think Donald Trump is trying to eat Jimmy!” a woman yells. But the audience laughs, thinking it’s still part of the bit.

Jimmy begins struggling now, but it’s far too late. As he’s pulled over his desk, the President’s mouth widens even more, making room for Fallon’s shoulder and torso. Snapping sounds can be heard as the TV host’s body is cracked in half by Trump’s powerful jaws.

Shocked realization dawns on the watching crowd, as Trump—with a slurp—pushes the last of Jimmy Fallon’s feet down his throat. This is no bit. A silence falls. Trump carefully turns his reptilian gaze towards the audience. They are frozen with fear. He smiles.

Cracking open his mouth to speak, those sitting in the front can see that the President has multiple rows of jagged, rotten teeth. There is blood on some, and scraps of fabric caught between that can only be pieces of Jimmy Fallon’s suit.

A piece of skin on Trump’s cheek, already stretched thin after consuming Jimmy Fallon, peels off and falls on the floor next to him. “Biggest,” Trump says, as another flap of skin slides off his face, “election win. Ever.”

That’s when the screaming starts. The pieces of skin continue to fall from what was Trump’s body, forming a pus-filled pile of flesh on the floor. “This is Obama’s fault,” the creature pushing its way out of the skin-suit tells the crowd, as they begin to run for the exit.

“Hillary should be locked up for this,” the creature continues, as it finally sloughs off the last of its human skin. A stampede continues for the door, but the creature stretches his arms faster than the audience can move, locking them shut.

A cameraman, too scared to move, notices one moment before he is consumed that the monster still has Trump’s hair. “I guess it WAS real,” he thinks, before the entity picks him up with the two additional arms it grew from its torso, and tosses the staffer down its throat.

Weeks, months, even years later the debate raged on about what really happened that day. Yes, hundreds of audience and crew members at 30 Rock disappeared, including Jimmy Fallon.

But The President, despite video of him turning into a 30 foot tall lizard monster with multiple arms, a shark-like mouth, and what can only be described as a “venom filled anus,” continued to deny what had happened. “Fake news!” he tweeted, and the networks debated his tweet.

Eventually, it became a blip on the radar. Just another thing to throw in a compilation tweet about what had happened that day. “The President lied about Russia, started a fight with Chuck-E-Cheese, and ate Jimmy Fallon. DON’T GET DISTRACTED.” And on it went.

On the plus side, after The President consumed Jimmy Fallon on live TV, The Roots went back to touring full time, and released a bunch of really solid albums. So that was nice. THE END