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@awnumar

parodying myself

Bristol, England
Joined January 2016
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  1. Retweeted
    Aug 23

    They did him dirty LMFAOOO

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    2,738 replies 343,031 retweets 698,072 likes
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  2. Retweeted
    Aug 20

    I SAID STAN TWITTER DO YOU KNOW THIS FUCKING SONG

    303 replies 32,827 retweets 73,026 likes
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  3. Retweeted
    Apr 19

    [being chased by killer] ME: *frantically pressing crosswalk button*

    56 replies 4,899 retweets 18,119 likes
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  4. Retweeted
    Aug 15

    [giving eulogy] sometimes it do be like that

    16 replies 746 retweets 2,719 likes
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  5. Retweeted
    Aug 13

    choking on my own tongue.

    558 replies 13,216 retweets 36,895 likes
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  6. Retweeted
    Aug 8

    okie dokie

    289 replies 17,998 retweets 90,700 likes
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  7. Retweeted
    Aug 2

    So you think it's perfectly OK to just go around PUBLICLY EXPRESSING ***OUTRAGE*** at strangers on the internet??!?!! You make me sick!!!

    16 replies 25 retweets 195 likes
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  8. Jul 25

    Britain getting absolutely finessed.

    BREAKING: the US announces intention to join the EU customs union.
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  9. Retweeted
    Jul 5

    That $35 that scientific journals charge you to read a paper goes 100% to the publisher, 0% to the authors. If you just email us to ask for our papers, we are allowed to send them to you for free, and we will be genuinely delighted to do so.

    What‘s something that seems obvious within your profession, but the general public seems to misunderstand?
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    854 replies 55,837 retweets 132,784 likes
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  10. Retweeted
    Jul 3

    You want to know something about how bullshit insane our brains are? OK, so there's a physical problem with our eyes: We move them in short fast bursts called "saccades", right? very quick, synchronized movements. The only problem is: they go all blurry and useless during this

    705 replies 27,737 retweets 70,715 likes
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  11. Retweeted
    Jun 27

    Flamingo that escaped a zoo in 2005 spotted in Texas

    92 replies 322 retweets 1,334 likes
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  12. Retweeted
    Jun 24

    Elon Musk: Woohoo! Look at me! I read Douglas Adams and date indie rock stars. I'm the unpredictable eccentric of tech! John McAfee:

    Whale fucking. No joke. Each year, on Feb 1st, in the Molokai Channel, a few men compete in the world's only whale fucking contest. Humpback whales are easy to fuck- for a second or less. World record: 31 seconds. I competed once. Almost got my ribs crushed. Stick with Ostriches.
    66 replies 2,132 retweets 6,694 likes
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  13. Jun 26

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  14. Jun 26

    a squirrel shit on me

    1 reply 1 like
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  15. Jun 23

    wow so this turned out to be

    1 like
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  16. Jun 22

    legitimate_miscalls.jpeg

    1 reply
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  17. Retweeted
    Jun 21

    [bong rip] [exhale] lobsters made a deal with the devil for conditional immortality and it backfired on them. you cannot change my mind

    608 replies 31,500 retweets 114,586 likes
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  18. Retweeted
    Jun 21
    Replying to

    [group in unison] hi, Adny

    2 retweets 107 likes
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