Anyone know of good writing with growth-oriented arguments for marriage or long-term romantic commitments? Mostly I find stability arguments, or reactions against monogamy (uninteresting), or people taking the goodness of committed LTRs/marriage for granted.
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Replying to @vgr
I’m not sure I have arguments, more like observations + enthusiasm
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Replying to @sarahdoingthing @vgr
specialness of human pair bond cf. other great apes, observation of conflict and stress in polygamous families/societies
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Replying to @sarahdoingthing @vgr
and behind it all the possibility of human pair bond as an optimal zone of total alignment of interests
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Replying to @sarahdoingthing @vgr
Can you say more about what the total alignment feels like it does in your life? The thing I'm specifically interested in is the difference between moving on when you both grow out of what brought you together, versus committing to staying together no matter what.
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Replying to @autotrnslucence @vgr
there’s a future orientation to it - to put it coldly it’s like a way of building equity vs. paying rent?
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Replying to @sarahdoingthing @vgr
It definitely aligns incentives for the relationship as a whole. If my base understanding is that we are staying together, everything builds off of that as opposed to it being one of the branches. It also incentives long term over short term actions.
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Yeah, as far as I can tell one of the major benefits to committing to a long term relationship is that both of you expect the relationship to continue indefinitely, which likely makes it more stable. So it's a virtuous cycle thing.
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That said I think it's difficult to understand ideal relationship models given the chaos and increased information exchange in current times. Could be something like poly -> learn, monog -> commit but the lifelong expectation of monlg is a frame we play knowing it may pass.
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