I bet @sarahdoingthing does
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I’m not sure I have arguments, more like observations + enthusiasm
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specialness of human pair bond cf. other great apes, observation of conflict and stress in polygamous families/societies
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and behind it all the possibility of human pair bond as an optimal zone of total alignment of interests
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Can you say more about what the total alignment feels like it does in your life? The thing I'm specifically interested in is the difference between moving on when you both grow out of what brought you together, versus committing to staying together no matter what.
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there’s a future orientation to it - to put it coldly it’s like a way of building equity vs. paying rent?
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It definitely aligns incentives for the relationship as a whole. If my base understanding is that we are staying together, everything builds off of that as opposed to it being one of the branches. It also incentives long term over short term actions.
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Yeah, as far as I can tell one of the major benefits to committing to a long term relationship is that both of you expect the relationship to continue indefinitely, which likely makes it more stable. So it's a virtuous cycle thing.
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Related to that, ’Entering the Heart of the Sun and Moon’ is Ngak’chang Rinpoche and Khandro Déchen’s book on long-term romantic relationships. It’s long and the language is not easy. It’s the only book I know on relationship as Vajrayana practice. http://arobuddhism.org/books/entering-the-heart-of-sun-and-moon.html …
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I will check it out!
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Ok sure, but that is still an interesting argument in and of itself; examples of specific innovations that flourish under capitalism are still useful arguments for capitalism, particularly if they wouldn't flourish under competing systems.
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Tolstoy
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More like the task of building a family and how monogamy is related to that
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I’ve shared this with a few friends who’ve appreciated ithttps://medium.com/@visakanv/slack-for-spouses-5a91e7140d21 …
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There's some good stuff in Getting The Love You Want on how people unconsciously choose a partner whose traits mirror their own shadow stuff that they need to work through. Validating their partner even in conflict then becomes an act of healing & integrating the shadow.
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Jayson Gaddis (https://www.jaysongaddis.com/ ) also has a lot of growth-oriented relationship stuff like that coming from a Buddhist/practitioner perspective, albeit spread out across a bunch of blog posts and podcasts that are trying to sell his infoproducts.
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Ngak’chang Rinpoche and Khandro Déchen teach on long-term relationship as Vajra Romance. There’s a synopsis of the teaching here: http://www.aroencyclopaedia.org/shared/text/h/honey_ar_eng.php …
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There’s a typo at start of paragraph 11, it will be fixed soon. Should read “Within the Tantric vision, all women are secretly pawos (not ‘khandros’), and men are secretly khandros (not ‘pawos’). Khandro = female/sky dancer Pawo = male/warrior
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