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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    17. ruj 2019.

    This is why my roommates have to lock the door when they take a shower. ☠️

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  2. prije 51 minutu

    Every writer needs to find a morning writing routine. Here’s mine: 🕓4:45AM- Wake up 🕓5AM- Coffee on 🕠5-7AM- Prepare my morning 6K calorie “sausage rope” breakfast 🕖7-7:20AM- Eat 🕢7:20-7:30AM- Research 🕢7:30-8:50AM- Shit 🕣8:50AM-9:05AM- Write 🕙9:05-4PM- Shit/Sleep

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  3. prije 5 sati

    My favorite ‘Super Bowl Sunday’ tradition is ‘Thank You Card Monday’.

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  4. prije 19 sati

    Emailed FOX customer service a video of me wishing my mom a happy birthday today and asked them to play it during the Super Bowl if they had time but looks like they didn’t.

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj
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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. velj

    Can’t believe this is on CBS. This guy is so good; such a light touch. Watch & RT.

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Tonight I watched journalists in our nation’s capital roped off and rerouted so that Republican senators who voted for no witnesses in this trial could scurry off without explaining their votes to the American people. If you think this is OK, you no longer believe in America.

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  9. 31. sij

    One month down and I'm staying strong on my new year's resolution to drink twelve of these a day!

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  10. 30. sij

    Interscope did not retweet this and I think that is so fucking rad.

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  11. 30. sij

    I text all my exes' new boyfriends on their birthday, "Another year older, another year wiser, & another year fatter! jkjk- But in all seriousness, appreciate every moment u have with her. I didn't and paid the ultimate price. Learn from me. Just emailed u a Starbucks gift card."

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    28. sij

    This is how you know you’ve officially “made it”. My hotel has a frickin’ soda stream.

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  13. 29. sij

    I swear to god the corporate world turns people into frickin morons. My HR rep just refused to let me expense $12.99 for my “Advanced Fart Studio Soundboard” app premium subscription fee even though I use it on almost every sales call to make clients laugh.

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  14. 29. sij

    My mom: “Why’d you delete your Facebook?” Also my mom:

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  15. 29. sij

    PSA: I cleaned up my mess as to not inconvenience housekeeping for a dumb Twitter bit.

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  16. 28. sij

    Sweet! Finally got TSA Precheck. Thought I’d have to go to the Post Office or something but found a guy online who does everything over the internet for just $800. Super convenient and just got my official paperwork in the mail!

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  17. 28. sij

    This is how you know you’ve officially “made it”. My hotel has a frickin’ soda stream.

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Critics and discuss why Abby McEnany's semi-autobiographical series, , may already be among the year's best

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    “I get asked often, ‘how did you get that job? As a woman in comedy, that’s my least favorite question, because even if it is innocent, it sounds so pointed. I wrote the jokes. They were funny and they liked them." |

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  20. 24. sij

    When I retweet an old tweet.

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