The fact that adoption is not some kind of easy moral solution doesn't, of course, constitute an argument that surrogacy or IVF is moral It does mean it doesn't constitute a rhetorical escape hatch for you -- if you want to say gay men just shouldn't have kids, just say that
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There is no argument for surrogacy being morally compromised that does not apply just as strongly or more to private infant adoption And public adoption through the foster system really, really should not ever be discussed as a "fertility solution"
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Like, I dunno how to say this strongly enough Any responsible training for prospective foster parents EMPHASIZES at the outset that "This isn't just an alternate way to have kids if you're infertile"
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People try not to stigmatize foster parenting because they need more people to do it but it's a really fucking obvious fact that taking in traumatized older kids who've lost their original family is, as they put it, a "unique challenge" you have to prepare yourself for
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I used to say things like this sometimes before I learned about this issue (not to be homophobic, though, at least) and I do really regret it Using "just adopt!" as this rhetorical gotcha so you can accuse people of being self-indulgent for wanting to have parents any other way
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Look, if you think being a foster parent is an actual moral responsibility -- which is a bad stance to take, if only pragmatically, because the vast majority of people who don't want to do it *should not be allowed to do it* -- then that responsibility applies to everyone
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If you actually believe anyone who doesn't want to take in foster kids is a horrible selfish asshole then that applies just as equally to the het couples pumping out kids with their own DNA Why the fuck wouldn't it
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You don't see how ugly this prescription is, this idea that "Well God gave me the ability to have kids the 'selfish' way, which means he wants me to do it He didn't give you those body parts, because he wants you to be the backup plan for when someone like me fucks up"
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End of conversation
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I'm strongly of the opinion that if you either a) don't want kids and/or b) have no issues having them, then you don't get to tell people like me how to become parents.
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I don't get why Slatz isn't applying her narcicism accusation to regular parents
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