internet pop psychology terms like "narcissist," "toxic," etc are a rly scary carceral identity based thinking - creates a "mental disorder" that just defines a person as "evil and always will be"
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There is no amount of emotion someone can feel, however intense, however justified, that will *actually cause someone else to feel that same emotion* I cannot feel sad *because* you are sad I can see that you are making a sad face, and I can react to that in my own way
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But how specifically I react to that is a result of the combination of all the circumstances of your reaction -- the face you were making, the mood I was in when I saw it, the relationship between you and me
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I had the experience of telling someone for about a year that I was in terrible financial trouble that was making me so anxious I could barely function and having her look at me the last time I came in for supervision and say, "You mean you have *no* income???"
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I had told her this god knows how many times.
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when white ppl call themselves empaths I'm just like "oh you learned from a very young age to watch for subtle changes in mood like your safety depended on it because it did? yeah i come from a toxic household too"
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