This is the thing some people aren't getting about this story It's not just that he did a bad thing, his *value system is off* He didn't do something shameful that he tried to hide and you caught him at He was trying to *brag* about being a good dad
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In his telling of the story, he wasn't doing this out of simple selfishness (I want to eat before she does), or simple open cruelty (I want her to go hungry to punish her for pissing me off) He presented it as a willing sacrifice (Neither of us are gonna eat until you learn)
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So many of you people act like being a good parent is just a matter of not being "selfish" or "lazy" - "You know what you need to do and you just don't step up" This guy thinks he is stepping up He's working really hard at it, harder than most dads
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This is what I was trying to get at in my other thread, how a "lazy" dad who "did the bare minimum" would be so much less fucked up Just opening the goddamn beans and moving on with your life
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But this is what Noah was talking about It's not that being a bad parent means this stereotype people have of being a parent who just doesn't give a shit and gets drunk and lets the kid walk into traffic Yeah, I agree most parents do care They fuck up by caring
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Whether it's genuine altruism or compassion or love or it's mixed up with ego and more complex forms of selfishness is a whole mess I don't care to suss out The point is that yes, they do care, but what they think they have to do to be a good parent is often all fucked up
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Replying to @arthur_affect
The thing that messes me up about this story is that the "good dad" thing to do is like, right there. Teach her how to use the can opener like a normal person. Why on earth does she need to figure it out from first principles?
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Replying to @Zendervai @arthur_affect
because he doesn’t really want to teach her to open the can, he wants to give her a lecture on the mechanics of the can opener. instead of bonding with her over her interests, he tells her to work it out and tries to force her to bond over his interest
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the thread wasn’t really about getting her beans it was about how proud he was that he forced her to work out how the can opener worked. which she clearly had no interest in, but he seems absolutely fascinated by
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Replying to @FleurDeElise @arthur_affect
I gotta say though, if it's that difficult to figure out the can opener, it's an incredibly poorly designed one. Can openers aren't intuitive to begin with but if you can't tell it's supposed to clamp shut, that's just bad engineering.
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People are allowed to have weird brain farts sometimes and our job - not even as parents but as fellow humans - should be to gently help people past them without making them feel bad
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Like imagine someone frantically looking for their keys they were actually holding in their hand and you just sitting there waiting for them to realize It might be funny to do that for five minutes, or even a half hour, but SIX HOURS?
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