And this is the thing, people act like the difference between withholding food as a rational, justified form of discipline and as capricious tyrannical abuse is obvious, that we all know the distinction Well, Can Opener Dad thought he knew it toohttps://twitter.com/nberlat/status/1345782015208075266?s=19 …
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The thing that messes me up about this story is that the "good dad" thing to do is like, right there. Teach her how to use the can opener like a normal person. Why on earth does she need to figure it out from first principles?
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If he is trying to teach survivor skills, he failed because he managed to teach her to not *ask* someone about it. Much of the time, asking someone is the right thing to do because it saves precious time and energy that would have been wasted trying to work from scratch.
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But this would seem to be true for the platonic version of the not-caring, bare-minimum parent as well, right? Like, as humans, they also have mixed up ego pressures, and if they're not applying them to the child, then they are applying them elsewhere...
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... and seems like "dad taught me the wrong lesson" is as much of a therapy topic as "dad didn't care about me beyond the bare minimum." (Could be wrong here, this is a new framing of the issue I'm trying to understand.)
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Exactly this. My parents really believed in the evangelical nonsense about sin and rebellion, and that corporal punishment was the way to keep us from going to hell.
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This is a huge part of why I never had kids. My parents were terrible examples. While I don't think they truly thought they were right (though they would certainly say so), I was afraid that I may go too far "caring" that I would be an actual bad parent. This stuff messes kids up
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“They may not mean to, but they do.” —P. Larkin
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