And being told no again and again about something you desperately want to do - your "spark" - sucks ass and really hurts and is depressing as hell But the people who survive doing it manage to bracket that off, keep it at bay
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And think, if he'd never gone out for that audition and he'd never failed at it he'd never have bought himself that pie And maybe if he hadn't been hurting so bad and looking for something to take his mind off it he wouldn't have savored it so deeply, remembered every bite
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(One of the best meals I remember ever eating was a direct result of a frustrated, tearful "Fuck it, I drove all the way out to fucking Columbus, I'm getting something nice before I go back")
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Does the piece of pie actually "redeem" the years of failure? Is all that struggle and pain worth it for a slice of pie that cost like $4.59? I dunno The point seems to be that moments don't redeem or give context to or provide meaning for other moments They just happen
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A human perspective would say that the idea that treating yourself with a piece of pie makes up for years of humiliation is pathetic But the one night you get a standing ovation on opening night absolutely *should* redeem those years and saying it doesn't is ungrateful
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The problem is the soul doesn't get sparked according to the rules we set It follows its own rules The spark of that little self-indulgence that one lonely night kept Joe living The *lack* of any spark after his standing ovation almost made Joe give up on life
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So the point of the ending seems to me to be that it's okay whatever he does It's okay if he closes the door on the opportunity of a lifetime and gets the steady paycheck and the simple life It's also okay if he goes for it, fails, and stays a sad striver until the day he dies
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It's even okay if he goes for it *and gets it* and finds out even after all your dreams come true life is still the same bullshit it always was and even as a famous celebrity the stuff that's annoying and shitty about performing is still there and the void never really fills
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(Discovering that if you fundamentally weren't okay before, millions of dollars and a Grammy Award and crowds of shrieking fans will not make you okay is why we find so many famous people ODing in their bathtubs)
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Whichever path he takes, whatever his spark for the next ten years turns out to be, is fine As long as he's being kind to himself and the people around him Poor is okay, rich is okay, famous is okay, obscure is okay, loser is okay, winner is okay There'll always be more pie
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End of conversation
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