The only two survivors are the Paladin and the Rogue, and the Paladin calmly says, "A Paladin's life is duty. Take the others back to the temple for resurrection, and tell them --" "I stab him in the back with my poisoned dagger. Sneak Attack"
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Replying to @arthur_affect @MelanieMoore
DM, who saw this coming: He catches you flatfooted, he hits, roll a Fortitude save Paladin: What in the -- dammit -- does a 14 save? DM: *lying* No. You fall to the ground, your sword clattering uselessly to your side, able to breathe and speak but not move any other muscles
1 reply 0 retweets 1 like -
Replying to @arthur_affect @MelanieMoore
Paladin: What the hell are you doing, man? Killing me in the middle of my big scene? Rogue: I'm not a murderer, old friend. I'm a thief. I'm stealing your big scene
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Replying to @arthur_affect @MelanieMoore
Paladin: What?! Why? Rogue: It's as you said Everything in my life has been stolen, none of it earned Why not my death as well
2 replies 0 retweets 7 likes -
Replying to @arthur_affect @MelanieMoore
What better caper, what better heist than to steal the death of a hero? After spending my years in dissolution, whoring and gambling away every cent of my ill-gotten gains While you've been building up a life of sacrifice and service, to end in one last heroic blaze of glory
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Replying to @arthur_affect @MelanieMoore
Well I'm afraid I've outsmarted you one last time, of friend For once I get to be the hero The one people make statues and paintings of, whose name goes down in history I get to be something better than a selfish lowlife coward, for once Even if I had to cheat to do it
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Replying to @arthur_affect @MelanieMoore
And you... You get to know how it feels to be me, for once To be the one left behind while others get the glory You get to sit in the tavern and grow wistful in your cups at the thought of fallen comrades who bled and died so you could come home safe
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Replying to @arthur_affect @MelanieMoore
*picks up MacGuffin* I've never done anything without a price, and that's my price for saving the world That for once you be the coward You come home safe and you spend your reward money rather than donating it, you get fat on rich food and get drunk on good wine
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Replying to @arthur_affect @MelanieMoore
The next time some rosy-cheeked lass swoons at your shiny armor you stop and spend some time with her instead of riding on to the next quest, the next duty That you die a coward's death in bed surrounded by the ones you love
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Replying to @arthur_affect @MelanieMoore
That's my deal, old friend The death of a Paladin in return for the life of a Rogue Fair trade
1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
*long silence* Promise me you'll do it If I can be like you for once, you can learn to be like me Take care of yourself first, and be happy I'm not going until you promise
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Replying to @arthur_affect @MelanieMoore
Paladin: I... I promise Rogue: *wry smile* Good boy. *turns and walks into the portal without another word*
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Replying to @arthur_affect @MelanieMoore
(It's such a wordy scene that wouldn't work in any other context but in this context it's devastating)
0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
End of conversation
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