33) When a reader sends a DM request, saying they just want to talk, why won't you just reply I mean, they said they just want to talk Are you afraid or something? You could just say no Come on, I know you're reading this What, are you gonna block me on this handle too
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34) If you want to write a character who dies of an aneurysm, a good time to do it is while they are flying a small plane, so they crash into the ocean and their body is never recovered This makes their death into a tantalizing unsolvable mystery, when otherwise it would not
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35) If a character is over six feet, six inches (200 cm) tall, they are too tall to ride the Top Thrill Dragster at Ohio's Cedar Point
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36) If your character has voluntarily ordered and consumed a Quarter Pounder at McDonald's on three or more separate occasions within the past 72 hours, they simply are not a vegetarian, however they choose to identify
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37) A character reflecting in solitude about their decisions that led them to this point as they slowly suffocate to death on Mars *is not* and *cannot be* a work of historical fiction, much less a 19th-century comedy of manners
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38) Slowly zooming out to reveal the your setting is a miniature town in a snow globe being stared at by a child in whose imagination the entire previous story took place, if that story included sexual themes, is pedophilia
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39) Your characters are your creation and you are wholly responsible for their actions. Any income they earn will have to be reported on your own tax returns and you cannot claim them as dependents, nor do they apply to the phase-out for the EITC
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40) If you have a character that biting and stinging insects seem to hate, especially disease-carrying mosquitoes, but that attracts pollinators such as honeybees, butterflies and moths, that character is a keeper and may qualify you for a deduction on your property tax
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41) If you have a writer on your staff who continually ignores good-faith fan feedback in favor of rooting around in trash cans and rinsing any food scraps they find under running water before eating them, this writer is probably a wild raccoon Call animal control immediately
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42) The easiest way to deal with upset readers, especially readers who contact you directly and refuse to leave you alone, is to send them $500 PayPal and Venmo usually work, but in some cases you may need to route a wire transfer or mail a paper check to a PO box
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43) Moe was better than Shemp
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44) How did the original one go all the way to ONE HUNDRED of these Fuck it I'm out
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Replying to @arthur_affect
He knows what to do if someone disses your fly girl. Wait, wrong Moe.
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