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arthur_affect's profile
Arthur Chu
Arthur Chu
Arthur Chu
Verified account
@arthur_affect

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Arthur ChuVerified account

@arthur_affect

Mad genius, comedian, actor, and freelance voiceover artist broadcasting from the distant shores of Lake Erie (he/him)

Broadview Heights, Ohio
arthur-chu.com
Joined August 2009

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    1. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

      4) When writing for a broadcast television series, remember that a "half-hour" sitcom is a misnomer, and traditionally leaves time for commercial breaks and station identification If you write a script that actually takes a half-hour to perform, it will have to be cut for time

      2 replies 1 retweet 56 likes
      Show this thread
    2. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

      5) If you spell the word "maneuver" as "manoeuvre", you are a regressive transphobe unworthy of the community's trust

      6 replies 6 retweets 78 likes
      Show this thread
    3. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

      6) Brightly colored streaks look best as a contrast against darker shades of hair Pink streaks in blonde hair look like a washed-out or incomplete dye job, especially in bright sunlight, and this is unattractive

      2 replies 2 retweets 56 likes
      Show this thread
    4. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

      7) When your protagonist reacts to someone dropping a silent-but-deadly fart wave in a tense public situation, it is unnecessary to have them verbally react Having them simply make an involuntary facial expression while remaining politely silent is much funnier

      2 replies 2 retweets 59 likes
      Show this thread
    5. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

      8) When writing a character being "sucked into" a video game, having them literally be pulled through the screen is a visual metaphor that became outdated as soon as Captain N: the Game Master did it Do not insult your audience by pretending this is how it would happen

      4 replies 8 retweets 75 likes
      Show this thread
    6. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

      9) If the only Jewish character in your work of fiction is Jewish by patrilineal descent, works in the hospitality industry and prominently uses an Android phone, you are a pedophile

      3 replies 0 retweets 58 likes
      Show this thread
    7. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

      10) If the only acknowledgement of real-world electoral politics in your work of fiction is a joking reference to the Obama/Biden campaign slogan "Yes We Can!", and your story takes place in the United States without specifying which state or city, you are a pedophile

      1 reply 1 retweet 48 likes
      Show this thread
    8. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

      11) If the only use of a real-life brand name in your work of fiction is the name of a brand of sneakers, and this name brand is used to characterize a teenage character as vain and obsessed with impractical consumer trends, you are a pedophile

      1 reply 1 retweet 45 likes
      Show this thread
    9. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

      12) If the only character in your work of fiction who speaks French is a thinly-veiled parody of explorer and conservationist Jacques Cousteau, who exists to enable your side plot about searching for a cryptid in your setting's local body of water, you are a pedophile

      1 reply 1 retweet 47 likes
      Show this thread
    10. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

      13) If the only character in your work of fiction who owns a pet owns a dog, and the dog is only mentioned once in passing and is never described in further detail nor does their dog ownership play any role in the story, you are a pedophile

      2 replies 1 retweet 49 likes
      Show this thread
      Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

      14) Disk defragmentation utilities, while they were once a key tool in improving performance in aging systems, became increasingly less important as file systems improved over time and for a modern SSD are irrelevant

      9:12 PM - 19 Nov 2020
      • 2 Retweets
      • 50 Likes
      • Sparky 🐏 is Tired™️ 🌈🛳🍖🛋 Bemony Menisha🦊 (((Compare to the active ingredients in Woman®))) Garlax, The Weasel King internal combustion gf Marsha Reid Carstarter Honeydrink Sleve McDichael ︽✵︽ David Kogan 💖💜💙
      3 replies 2 retweets 50 likes
        1. New conversation
        2. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          15) When writing an episode of Seinfeld that takes place entirely inside a parking garage, any punchline you have written for the end of the episode when they finally find their car and drive out of the parking spot will be less funny than the car simply failing to start

          1 reply 5 retweets 57 likes
          Show this thread
        3. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          16) Don't you dare screenshot me on Twitter If you have something to say about me say it to my face, you cowardly motherfucker

          3 replies 1 retweet 56 likes
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        4. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          17) Kenny Bania is just not a great character They don't know what the joke with him really is, and the core bit where he's too enthusiastic and in-your-face is done better by other characters Also I just don't really care for the actor

          2 replies 0 retweets 32 likes
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        5. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          18) When a character miraculously revives from death or near-death, their sudden inhalation of breath as they painfully jerk back into consciousness is spelled "Ahuuuoooahhh", not just "Huuuoooahhh" The leading A is necessary

          2 replies 3 retweets 46 likes
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        6. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          19) Don't fucking lock your account on Twitter then head over to your other account on Instagram or Facebook or whatever with screenshots to complain about the thread You think people can't tell you're doing that? You think we're not all on the same Internet? Listen you little f

          1 reply 0 retweets 54 likes
          Show this thread
        7. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          20) The letters q, x and z are well known for being uncommon in the English language If you go out of your way to use words that begin with these letters, your language will seem stilted and unnatural to the typical reader Try to keep use of these letters to a realistic level

          3 replies 0 retweets 38 likes
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        8. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          21) A carburetor and a fuel injection system are two completely different mechanisms for the same goal of creating a combustible fuel/air mixture A car's engine can only have one or the other Pick one when describing your protagonist's car, and for God's sake keep it consistent

          3 replies 0 retweets 44 likes
          Show this thread
        9. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          22) It is never necessary to write a character who is a natural redhead You can do so if you want, but be aware we will be checking your author photo for your own hair color, and we will know whether this is self-insertion or nonconsensually involving the reader in your fetish

          4 replies 2 retweets 77 likes
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        10. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          23) Characters who have graduated from college should not have living grandparents

          1 reply 2 retweets 30 likes
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        11. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          24) If your work of fiction is divided into chapters that have individual titles, the one titled "The Beginning of the End" should come BEFORE the one titled "The End of the Beginning" If you do it in the other order, you are a fascist Trump supporter

          2 replies 2 retweets 47 likes
          Show this thread
        12. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          25) The idea that you can only flip meat once when grilling and doing so more than once is somehow harmful is a superstition not based in science If you feel it's easier to judge the final temperature of a steak by flipping it multiple times, don't let anyone tell you not to

          2 replies 1 retweet 46 likes
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        13. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          26) A time machine or teleporter should either be an enclosed structure or have a distinctly visible dome-shaped field showing is exactly what is and isn't transported, rather than leaving it to the reader to assume such a dangerous technology operates heuristically

          2 replies 1 retweet 39 likes
          Show this thread
        14. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          27) If your character is a shapeshifter whose clothes conveniently change with them when they go from human to animal form, and they then have sexual intercourse in animal form, thus technically fully clothed, you should be arrested and thrown in prison for corruption of minors

          1 reply 0 retweets 43 likes
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        15. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          28) If you are a television producer at NBC, and the writers of Mad About You write an episode that establishes that Kramer is canonically Paul's subletter, do not allow the Seinfeld writers to then establish that Mad About You is a fictional show in Seinfeld's universe

          3 replies 1 retweet 41 likes
          Show this thread
        16. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          29) While the use of periods is considered optional to end sentences on social media and texting, you will have a somewhat difficult time getting your manuscript read if you do not use periods in a work of fiction intended for professional consumption

          2 replies 1 retweet 36 likes
          Show this thread
        17. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          30) Having a sequel begin with the characters breaking the fourth wall and critiquing the original book they were introduced in is a time-honored storytelling technique A work of fiction that refuses to do so well be inevitably inferior

          2 replies 1 retweet 34 likes
          Show this thread
        18. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          31) You cannot go into writing sitcoms hoping to write Seinfeld. Seinfeld was already written once before, from 1989 to 1998, and if you try to do so again, you will be immediately sued for copyright infringement

          1 reply 4 retweets 48 likes
          Show this thread
        19. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          32) A good story is symmetrical, like a sandwich, with bread on top and bottom There is a reason sandwiches are the most popular food in every part of the world, and asymmetrical foods, such as pizza, are routinely folded over to make calzones

          1 reply 2 retweets 34 likes
          Show this thread
        20. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          33) When a reader sends a DM request, saying they just want to talk, why won't you just reply I mean, they said they just want to talk Are you afraid or something? You could just say no Come on, I know you're reading this What, are you gonna block me on this handle too

          1 reply 1 retweet 45 likes
          Show this thread
        21. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          34) If you want to write a character who dies of an aneurysm, a good time to do it is while they are flying a small plane, so they crash into the ocean and their body is never recovered This makes their death into a tantalizing unsolvable mystery, when otherwise it would not

          3 replies 5 retweets 38 likes
          Show this thread
        22. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          35) If a character is over six feet, six inches (200 cm) tall, they are too tall to ride the Top Thrill Dragster at Ohio's Cedar Point

          2 replies 3 retweets 37 likes
          Show this thread
        23. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          36) If your character has voluntarily ordered and consumed a Quarter Pounder at McDonald's on three or more separate occasions within the past 72 hours, they simply are not a vegetarian, however they choose to identify

          2 replies 1 retweet 31 likes
          Show this thread
        24. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          37) A character reflecting in solitude about their decisions that led them to this point as they slowly suffocate to death on Mars *is not* and *cannot be* a work of historical fiction, much less a 19th-century comedy of manners

          1 reply 2 retweets 38 likes
          Show this thread
        25. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          38) Slowly zooming out to reveal the your setting is a miniature town in a snow globe being stared at by a child in whose imagination the entire previous story took place, if that story included sexual themes, is pedophilia

          1 reply 0 retweets 40 likes
          Show this thread
        26. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          39) Your characters are your creation and you are wholly responsible for their actions. Any income they earn will have to be reported on your own tax returns and you cannot claim them as dependents, nor do they apply to the phase-out for the EITC

          1 reply 6 retweets 47 likes
          Show this thread
        27. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          40) If you have a character that biting and stinging insects seem to hate, especially disease-carrying mosquitoes, but that attracts pollinators such as honeybees, butterflies and moths, that character is a keeper and may qualify you for a deduction on your property tax

          2 replies 1 retweet 28 likes
          Show this thread
        28. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          41) If you have a writer on your staff who continually ignores good-faith fan feedback in favor of rooting around in trash cans and rinsing any food scraps they find under running water before eating them, this writer is probably a wild raccoon Call animal control immediately

          2 replies 7 retweets 52 likes
          Show this thread
        29. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          42) The easiest way to deal with upset readers, especially readers who contact you directly and refuse to leave you alone, is to send them $500 PayPal and Venmo usually work, but in some cases you may need to route a wire transfer or mail a paper check to a PO box

          1 reply 2 retweets 24 likes
          Show this thread
        30. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          43) Moe was better than Shemp

          2 replies 1 retweet 22 likes
          Show this thread
        31. Arthur Chu‏Verified account @arthur_affect 19 Nov 2020

          44) How did the original one go all the way to ONE HUNDRED of these Fuck it I'm out

          9 replies 1 retweet 57 likes
          Show this thread
        32. End of conversation

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