When people say characters 'have a mind of their own' and won't 'do what they're supposed to do' (which I find kind of cringey) what they really mean is that they don't have the skill level to do the specific thing they planned OR what they planned is out of their comfort zone.
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The third person stuff is a way to avoid taking responsibility for your choices and fully committing to them "The character wouldn't do that" is a way to avoid saying "I can't/won't do that"
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