I remember the lights clicking on in my head when I read that Oscar the Grouch wasn't just a punchline in Sesame Street, CTW put him there because of hippie liberal children's psych research from Dr. Spock et al about "the importance of a child's 'No'"
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Replying to @arthur_affect @mssilverstein and
That it was very important to model for children the right to say "No", that it's a *fundamental* right that you get to exercise even if you're exercising it "irrationally" -- if you're just cranky, or pissy, or sulky, or just plain trolling to be an asshole Your "No" is sacred
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Replying to @arthur_affect @mssilverstein and
Oscar gets to opt out of things, he gets to detach from the group and be the unpleasant loner on the sidelines, he gets to say "No" when everyone else says "Yes", he gets to think of trash as treasure and treasure as trash, he gets to be "perverse" and "contrarian"
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Replying to @arthur_affect @mssilverstein and
And the rules of the show say the other characters must respect this They do *not* tolerate him crossing the line and hurting another person, they draw their own firm boundaries he can't violate, but neither can they violate his He is *allowed to be a Grouch*
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Replying to @arthur_affect @mssilverstein and
This was a big deal, because in developmental psych they talk about you getting a "No!" phase in the so-called "Terrible Twos" and beyond, often recurring at different stages Getting "fussy", getting "bratty", saying "No!" to things you actually want just to prove you can
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Replying to @arthur_affect @mssilverstein and
This is, in fact, a really important phase of psychological development where you start to get the sense you are a different person from your parents and you have impulses and desires separate from just doing what your parents tell you to do
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Replying to @arthur_affect @mssilverstein and
The so-called "teenage rebellion" people make fun of is just another iteration of the cycle, trying on whole value systems or belief systems just for the sake of proving that you can
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Replying to @arthur_affect @mssilverstein and
Hell, the "midlife crisis" is yet another recurrence, directed at long-gone parents when you realize they got their hooks deeper in you and determined more of your core values than you realized when you first moved out It's in this fighting with your past self that we grow
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Replying to @arthur_affect @mssilverstein and
And anyway Parents in the old days were huge assholes about the "Terrible Twos" and did NOT "respect their child's 'No'" AT ALL My parents sure as hell didn't, lots of fun family stories about literally dragging a screaming toddler into the car repeatedly
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Replying to @arthur_affect @mssilverstein and
Spock's advice seems almost too heavily weighted on the other side -- "I guess we're canceling our playdate entirely because he said 'NO'" -- but it's a necessary corrective Because damage from having your "NO" overridden *by force* and being told it's for your own good lasts
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Dr. James Dobson was the anti-Dr. Spock and my parents treated his Dare to Discipline as a bible when I was little And he just straight up said it -- those gratuitous "NO"s, the ones not borne of a "rational" disagreement but designed just to "test" you, must be squashed
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Replying to @arthur_affect @mssilverstein and
They are the sign of a child's perverse, rebellious will and they must be met with force -- a child's sinful nature being subdued by the loving hand of a strict parent is in microcosm how God quells the sinful delusion of mankind
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Replying to @arthur_affect @mssilverstein and
I really struggle to get my head around the worldview of those people who say God gave us metaphysical free will and then will punish us harshly if we don't use it to agree with Him.
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