It should take all your answers to your questions, throw them away, and then politely say "It seems that a Muggle has infiltrated the Hogwarts grounds. Please remain calm, Obliviators have been dispatched from the Ministry to deal with the intruder"
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You are Angus Buchanan And Dudley Dursley, and Frank Bryce, and Jake Kowalski, and the Prime Minister, and all the other disposable Muggle characters in this universe who exist only as background noise to the real people
1 reply 4 retweets 97 likes -
If you somehow got on the Hogwarts grounds they would throw you right back out, in front of a laughing jeering crowd, impervious to your begging and sobbing Some of the self righteous Gryffindor types would feel bad But they'd all agree it was necessary It's just not for you
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The fact that the Hogwarts fantasy by its very nature is exclusionsist and elitist - "I'm not like you MUGGLES, I'm special" - and the sheer delusion of indulging in this kind of fantasy, inventing a tiny cloistered elite and then being sure you'd be in it
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In my yoga cult this is the exact type of thing we would have adopted - the normals are ‘muggles’ - but it was before HP so we took inspiration from Buckaroo Banzai and called outsiders ‘monkey boys’
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Replying to @KaviMontanaro @arthur_affect and
I mean I tweeted before about how I and
@life_minutiae attended a private school that was basically this What happens IRL is that no one can be definitively proved to be a "Muggle infiltrator" or "Squib" so there is constant competition, anxiety, constant policing1 reply 4 retweets 34 likes -
Replying to @patiencemosher @KaviMontanaro and
And your Neville Longbottom types become the target of bullying if not outright violence, especially if they are female or otherwise marginalized in some way And the faculty *supports this*, they're separating the wheat from the chaff which is obviously desirable
4 replies 3 retweets 46 likes -
Replying to @patiencemosher @KaviMontanaro and
Ha ha remember how Neville's family was so worried he was a Squib his uncle threw him out the window so he'd be forced to instinctively use his magic to protect himself And the fact that "he bounced" is the punchline of this whole situation presented as a black comedy joke
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Replying to @arthur_affect @patiencemosher and
the sort of insane prep some of the parents put their kids through for the entrance exam to that school really makes that land hard
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Replying to @life_minutiae @arthur_affect and
yeah one of my cohort was prepped for FIVE YEARS starting at the age of six and I'm sure some of the other parents would consider that lightweight
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They talked about how in the days of Imperial China with its notorious civil service examination system wealthy families would pick a child to be a prospective court official *from birth* and spend their *entire lives* on preparation for the big exam
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Replying to @arthur_affect @patiencemosher and
And if you flunked it was a really big deal The equivalent of hundreds of thousands of dollars of investment down the drain And you'd have absolutely no useful life skills to pursue any other profession
1 reply 0 retweets 8 likes -
Replying to @arthur_affect @patiencemosher and
People would try to take it over and over again, spending even more money fucking living at the capital waiting for the next one Everyone knew the "old men", the no-hopers, and thought of them as one of the particularly pitiful species of social losers
2 replies 0 retweets 6 likes - Show replies
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